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Universal Poker (Matt Gerke)

 <Order>  Is each here?  Does each have his opposite? 
 <Chaos>  I am here, but my opposite is you. 
 <Order>  Huh? 
 <Evil>   Don't let him bug ya'.  We're here. 
 <Truth>  My opposite is not here. 
 <Good>   Is your opposite "Lies"? 
 <Truth>  My opposite is "Void."  He couldn't make it. 
 <Evil>   >snicker<  Figures! 
 <Order>  Agh!  How are we going to seat five!  This table is made for six! 
 <Evil>   Just take out his chair and move over.  Sheesh! 
 <Good>   I have the cards. 
 <Evil>   I've got the chips. 
 <Truth>  I have the beer. 
 <Chaos>  I have the cards! 
 <Order>  Shut up. 


<Order> Whose deal is it? <Evil> Do ya' gotta ask that EVERY time? <Truth> It is Good's deal. <Good> OK, five card draw...uh, everything is wild. <Evil> How can anyone win if everything is wild? <Good> No ONE can win, but we all can call ourselves winners if... <Order> I like this game. <Evil> This is pointless. <Truth> It is time to deal. <Good> Here we go! Your bet, Truth. <Truth> Five. <Order> Five and raise you five. <Evil> Don't you morons get it? It doesn't matter how much you bet! <Order> I like ten better. <Evil> >sigh< Call. <Chaos> I fold. <Evil> YOU CAN'T LOSE! <Chaos> I still fold. <Good> OK, I'll call. How many, Truth? <Evil> What's the point in taking more cards? <Truth> I will keep the cards I have. <Order> I will take two. <Evil> Why?!? <Order> I didn't like those. <Evil> None for me. <Chaos> I'll take six. <Good> Sorry, you folded. Dealer keeps his. Bets? <Evil> Oh, just get this over with. <Order> But now we have to bet! <Evil> Any money you put in, you're just gonna get back! <Truth> I am in agreement with Evil. Let us show our cards. <Truth> I have five aces. <Order> I have five ace of spades. <Chaos> I have a three. <Good> Please be quiet. I also have five aces. We all win. <Evil> Hold it, bub. Six aces, read'em and weep. <Good> Where did you get that card? <Truth> He stole it from Chaos. <Evil> You know the rules, boys. The pot's mine. <Good> That was a stupid game. <Order> Whose deal is it? <Truth> The dealer progression is opposite the deal. Chaos deals. <Chaos> Whee! <all but Chaos> >groan< <Chaos> Eleven card stud-hold'em with threes, eights, jacks, and kings wild...fives count as fours, fours count as nines, and queens don't count unless there is a prime numbered spade showing... <Order> I fold...

[Ed: written by Brian Cash (, and originally appeared in talk.bizarre]

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