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Fwd: From the murky mind of MelloScoob
(chuckle, stereotypes)

Original if somewhat warped humor from Trevor Keane

The Statements Car Owners are Really Making

Acura Integra 		- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars 
Acura Legend 		- I'm too bland for German cars 
Acura NSX     		- I am impotent 
Audi 90       		- I enjoy putting out engine fires 
Buick Park Avenue 	- I am older than 34 of the 50 states 
Cadillac Eldorado 	- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman 
Cadillac Seville  	- I am a pimp 
Chevrolet Camaro  	- I enjoy beating the hell out of people 
Chevrolet Chevette 	- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I 
			  have a 'Vette 
Chevrolet Corvette 	- I'm in a mid-life crisis 
Chevrolet El Camino 	- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government 
Chrysler Cordoba  	- I dig the rich Corinthian leather 
Datsun 280Z 		- I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well 
Dodge Dart 		- I teach third grade special education and I voted for 
Dodge Daytona 		- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car 
Ferrari Testarossa 	- I am known to prematurely ejaculate 
Ford Fairmont 		- (See Dodge Dart) 
Ford Mustang 		- I slow down to 85 in school zones 
Ford Crown Victoria 	- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes 
			  when I pull up behind them 
Geo Storm 		- I will start the 11th grade in the fall. 
Geo Tracker 		- I will start the 12th grade in the fall. 
Honda del Sol 		- I have always said, half a convertible is better than 
			  no convertible at all 
Honda Civic 		- I have just graduated and have no credit 
Honda Accord 		- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming. 
Infiniti Q45 		- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending. 
Isuzu Impulse 		- I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports. 
Jaguar XJ6 		- I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the 
			  shop 280 days per year. 
Kia Sephia 		- I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp. 
Lamborghini Countach 	- I only have one testicle 
Lincoln Town Car 	- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers 
Mercury Grand Marquis 	- (See above) 
Mercedes 500SL		- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph 
Mercedes 560SEL 	- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole 
Mazda Miata 		- I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler 
MGB 			- I am dating a mechanic 
Mitsubishi Diamante 	- I don't know what it means either 
Nissan 300ZX 		- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings. 
Oldsmobile Cutlass 	- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune 
			  off the parts 
Peugeot 505 Diesel 	- I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List 
Plymouth Neon 		- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena 
Pontiac Trans AM 	- I have a switchblade in my sock 
Porsche 911 Turbo 	- I have a three inch thingie 
Porsche 944 		- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be 
			  inaccessible to me 
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal 
Saturn SC2 		- (See Honda Civic) 
Subaru Legacy		- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior 
			  than Isuzu 
Toyota Camry 		- I am still in the closet 
Volkswagon Beetle 	- I still watch Partridge Family reruns 
Volkswagon Cabriolet 	- I am out of the closet 
Volkswagon Microbus 	- I am tripping right now 
Volvo 740 Wagon 	- I am frightened of my wife 

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