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New Browns Schedule (Mitchell N. Perilstein)
(smirk, sexual (partly))

The Cleveland Browns football team hasn't been doing well lately. The
following photocopy, discovered on a bulletin board somewhere, was no
doubt drafted by bitter fans when the team lost one game 42-0. Or
maybe it was after the coach was fired the following week...

			Football Schedule 1990

	September 12		Dayton Junior High School
	September 19		Cub Scout Troop No. 101
	September 26		Ohio Academy for the Blind
	October 3		Crippled Childrens' Home
	October 17		St. George Home for Wayward Girls
	October 21		Girl Scout Troop No. 69
	November 1		Ohio V.D. Clinic Post #3
	November 7		Akron Boys Choir
	November 14		Korean War Amputees
	November 21		VA Hospital Polio Patients

Rule Changes From Last Year
1. When playing the polio patients, the Browns must not disconnect any
   leg braces. 
2. When playing the girl scouts, the Browns must not eat their cookies.
3. When playing the blind academy, the Browns must not hide the
   football in their jerseys. 
4. When playing the Korean War Amputees, the Browns must not file any
   protests about players with one leg being harder to tackle.

Rules the Same as Last Year
1. A Browns touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the
   goal-line for all you fans who have never seen one) is still worth
   21 points. 
2. The Browns will be allowed 27 men on the field at all times.
3. The Browns will be allowed to substitute with band members at any
   time during the course of the game.
Name Changes
The Cleveland Browns name will be changed to the Cleveland Tampons,
as they are good for one period only and don't have a second string.

Coaching Changes
Bud will be replaced by Linda Lovelace. She will no doubt blow a few
but she won't choke on the big ones.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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