Last Thursday, Manfred and I were splitting a sixpack while watching MTV by Def Leopard on the big-screen, just relaxing, absorbing the ultra-hi-fi stereo and thinking about the next trip to Vegas. Manfred wasn't saying much, just sipping away on his Corona and staring blankly at the screen. He wasn't keeping time with his tail, Def Leopard usually gets it going, he had something on his mind. The video ended and an ad came on for the telephone hotline. Normally Manfred ignores ads, but something about this one caught his attention. He trotted to the phone and began to wimper. I asked him if this call was that important and he let out a long yooowl. "Ok," I said, "if you can dial the number, I'll do the talking for you." Manfred must have been taking typing lessons, he knocked out the number while I started the tape recorder. Tape recorders eliminate the need to write down numbers on the fly and the possibility of writing the wrong number. While the phone connections were clicking away, I told Manfred that he had better look for a date in the local area, because I wasn't driving to Sacramento or even Escondido just to improve his social life. If he couldn't get there by foot or skateboard, he could go without. Well, the line clicked open and we heard several female voices. I knew I was interrupting, but what the heck, it's supposed to be a party line, "Hi, I'm Tom Terrific." One gal answered, "Bon jour, I'm Brigitte and I bet you are." "Thanks.... I'm calling for my pal, Manfred, say something Manfred." Manfred let out a long high whine. Another gal said, "I'm Karen and Oooh, Manfred y'all sound so lonely." "You bet, Manfred would tell you himself if he could. He was wondering if you knew any dogs who were living in the San Diego and as lonely as he." A third gal with a noticeable Texas twang said, "I'm Darlene and honey you don't have to set your sights so low, what do you like? "Well, Manfred loves to take walks, and he really likes trees, but you've got to understand, all he wants is just to meet a regular bitch and have some fun." "Why I declare," Karen said, "Manfred, I know I can get along with you. How do you get along with women?" "I guess you would say Manfred really has a nose for the opposite sex." Everyone started talking at once, gradually we collected phone numbers and called back to set up dates and get addresses. Manfred put names, numbers and addresses into his calendar, grabbed his backpack and skateboard, and hit the road. That was a week ago. I haven't seen him but his supply of Corona is growing smaller so he must be checking in. He's had a half dozen messages on the answering machine, so things must be going well. -- tom collins
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
The Internet Jokebook|
Featuring the very best of netfunny.com on dead trees.