Best of Jokes Current Jokes RHF Home Search Sponsor RHF?
Fun Stuff & Jokes
Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

How It Works (For WinDoze)

henry@henryfarkas.com (Henry W. Farkas)
(chuckle, computers, heard it, forwarded)

                                 HOW IT WORKS 
                    THE 12 STEPS OF COMPUTERS ANONYMOUS 
                                  by Randy M. 

Rarely have we seen a user fail who has thoroughly followed our program of data recovery. Those who do not succeed are generally those who have failed to read the manual, attempted to convert OS/2 files to MS-DOS, wish to install Windows XP on a 486 with 8 MB of memory, and the like. There are those, too, who have, in justifiable frustration, thrown their machines against the wall, then trounced on the pieces, but even these often recover data provided they are willing to spend sufficient money.

Remember that we deal with operating systems--cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power--that one is Gates. May you find him now!

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of data recovery and the return of peace of mind:

1: We admitted we were powerless over our operating systems, that our computers had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Technician fresh out of high school could restore our computer to operational status.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the power of Gates as we understood him.

4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of our hard drives and backed up as much data as possible.

5. Admitted to ourselves, to Gates (an e-mail to Customer Support will do), and to the Technician the exact nature of what seemed to be wrong.

6. Were entirely ready to have the Technician remove all these defects of the computer.

7. Humbly asked him to reinstall our operating system, magically transform our hard drives into smooth-booting wonders, remove all viruses and other crap, and if possible, to not lose any data in the process.

8. We made a list of everything he told us we'd done wrong, and determined never to do it again.

9. Never did it again, and purchased several 'Dummies' books besides.

10. Upon getting the computer back, we continued to perform routine maintenance and diagnostics and when we found something wrong, promptly corrected it except when to do so would cause harm to the operating system or our data, or when we didn't know what we were doing.

11. Sought through prayer, meditation, late night reruns of 'The X-Files', and the occasional spewed obscene phrase to improve our conscious contact with Gates as we understood him, praying only for his products to continue functioning as advertised and the power to insure that they do so. Some of us found comfort in the wearing of pocket protectors and eyeglasses repaired with tape in the privacy of our own homes.

12. Having developed certain geek-like traits (not to mention a fresh Windows reinstall) as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other computer users, and to keep all of our Windows open come what may.

Many of us exclaimed: "what an order--I can't go through with it!" especially after receiving the Technician's bill. Do not be discouraged. No one among us has succeeded in perfect adherence to these steps. We are not geeks. The point is that we are willing to aspire to some of their skills. Our personal adventures make clear three pertinent ideas:

a. That our hard drives were quite possibly fried and that the Blue Screen Of Death might be the least of our worries.

b. That no amount of resolve on our part could necessarily relieve our system crash.

c. That the Technician could and would if he were sought and could be afforded.

And if all else fails--buy another computer and start from scratch.


Previous | RHF Joke Archives | Next

Best of Jokes | Current Jokes | RHF Home | Search