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More from the One-liner Digest (Funny Guy)
(smirk, swearing, sexual, heard it, offense=almost everyone)

What follows are the latest entries in the one-liner file. These are jokes
which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately. I post
such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it. Particularly
selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to
killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Dr. Roger M. Firestone)
>Subject: Blonde at the doctor's

So what did the blonde say when her doctor recommended a mammogram?

"I thought those were for women over 40, and I'm only a 38."

= = = = = = =
>From: (Adam J. Rosen)
>Subject: New twist on an old proverb

Told to me by a friend:

If at first you don't succeed, don't go skydiving.

= = = = = = =
>Organization: Old South Post Cards
>Subject: Death by the Numbers

Heard this on National Public Radio this afternoon (4/13/97):

Is it really necessary to sterilize the needle
to give a lethal injection?

= = = = = = =
>From: (Paul Hughes-Cromwick)
>Subject: Political fantasies

What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton
would desparately love?

A dead girl friend and an ex wife.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Dr. Roger M. Firestone)
>Subject: From the Usenet FAQ

Q. Does Usenet help stamp out ignorance?

A. That depends on whether by "stamp out" you mean "eliminate" or
"reproduce rapidly in great quantity."

= = = = = = =
>From: (Walter Means)
>Subject: A matter of taste

Dear RHF: I sent you a funny story about how I like to
bathe in vinegar and you didn't use it.

I am very bitter.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Norman Diamond)
>Subject: So who needs a computer?

What's the difference between an extended partition containing two logical
drives, and a politician?

You don't need Windows 95 to corrupt the politician.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Herb Tyson)
>Subject: A new drug!

There's a new drug that cures impotence and dissolves kidney stones.
It will be marketed under the name Easy Come, Easy Go.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Walter Means)
>Organization: Self
>Subject: It adds up

Heard this from my golfing partner today.

A man goes in to see a doctor and says, "Doctor, I have five penuses."

The doctor says, "That's amazing, how do your pants fit?"

The man says, "Like a glove!"

= = = = = = =
>From: (Dr. Roger M. Firestone)
>Subject: One-liners

Sign on cubicle wall: "This mind intentionally left blank."

Cornered employee to boss: "I was NOT sleeping. I was in brainsaver

What did tornadoes do before there were trailer parks?

= = = = = = =
>From: (Mark Atwood)
>Subject: Humor: Now that is a terrorist threat!

The Hezbollah has taken 300 attorneys hostage and are threatening to
release one a day until the Israeli government meets their demands.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Roman Parparov)
>Subject: More Soviet Humor

The Sahhara desert has joined to the USSR.

After several years problems with sand deficit have appeared.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Rob Hartill)
>Subject: Beach Donkeys

Apparently there's a donkey on Blackpool beach with an IQ of 140.
None of the other donkeys will have anything to do with him. They
hate a smartass.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Heather)
>Organization: Lehigh University
>Subject: burned at the stake

Q: What did God say when Joan of Arc showed up at the Pearly Gates?

A: Well done.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Jeff Johnson)
>Subject: Newsgroup

I was looking through the lists of newsgroups on my server when I came
across one titled ""

I thought to myself, "Bet there aren't a lot of threads there...."

= = = = = = =
>From: (Dave Calhoun)
>Organization: Island Enterprises
>Subject: BAD fisherman

Richard Jeni in his newest HBO special regarding one terrible fisherman:

"He couldn't catch a yeast infection if he fucked Betty Crocker without
a condom!"

= = = = = = =
>From: (Tom Jordaan)
>Subject: What Peter Mandelson, UK Minister Without Portfolio, does in his spare time.

Peter Mandelson is so far in the closet he's still got a foot in Narnia.

= = = = = = =
>Subject: The Corps

Did you hear that they stopped teaching Karate to the Marine Corps?
Too many saluting accidents.

= = = = = = =
>From: (Scott A. Renner)
>Subject: vegetarians, explain this one

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

[from the correspondence section of *Harper's Magazine*, November 1997]

= = = = = = =
>From: (Robert Balkenhol)

young priest to monsignor: God must love roaches, otherwise
they would cease to exist.

monsignor: No, it's not that God loves roaches--He can't
seem to get rid of them either.

= = = = = = =
>Subject: oodooV

Derived from 'The Comedy Network', Channel 5 (UK):

"When people have acupuncture, do wax dolls die?"

= = = = = = =
>From: (Jonathan Hayward)
>Subject: What's the difference...

Q: What's the difference between programming and bug collecting?

A: None.

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