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Internet News Flash (Andrew Darling)
(topical, smirk)

This is an Internet News Service news bulletin:

	Top Story: Hackers Break into Justice Department Web Page

Sometime early Saturday morning, a group of mischievous programmers
revamped the U.S. Department of Justice Web Page as a protest to the
Communications Decency Act and other censorship.  The new "United States 
Department of Injustice" included a picture of Attorney General Hitler 
and a topless photo of Jennifer Anniston that made the Most Wanted
list quite wanted indeed.  While the Department of Justice rectified the
problem only a few hours after the crime was committed, a major debate has
been kindled. You see, in that brief few hour span, there was 
unprecedented global interest in law and order.  

On the international front, riots have begun in five major cities in Jordan
this week.  While the riotous mobs insist their dissatisfaction is with the
rising price of bread, King Hussein has dismissed such folly and accused
parties loyal to Iraq of spreading dissatisfaction in order to subvert the
Jordan government.  Iraq admits they "attempted" the subversion, but
slavering mobs kept eating their field operatives.

Stateside, the Reform party, a distant third in the upcoming election, has 
selected Ross Perot as its presidential nominee.  While his vice-presidential 
choice has yet to be made, it is agreed among the party members that it will 
not be Ed Rollins, Perot's campaign manager from 1992.  Rollins has openly
criticized Perot in his book "Bare Knuckles and Back Rooms."  Also, after the
copyright lawsuit from the adult movie of the same name, Mr. Rollins has
been unable to contribute to the party this election.

News Flash: Generallissimo Francisco Franco is once again dead.  Carrying a
bag lunch on his vacation to Jordan turned out to be his downfall. 
Sometimes it pays NOT to be prepared.

On Friday, a three-year-old boy in Brookfield, Illinois fell eighteen
feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas.  He was immediately 
rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals.  The 150 lb. female
gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to 
be easily retrieved to by zookeepers.  This cross-species rescue has resulted 
in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo.  It is perhaps because of 
these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a 
hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar, "Thanks; but we prefer 

A new public health campaign begins in Singapore this week.  The two month
multi-media advertising campaign is meant to train the public to keep their 
public lavatories clean.  Why this sudden costly interest in clean johns? 
Why no more helpful insights about who to call for a good time scrawled on
easily accessible walls?  Well, last month Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong 
suggested that the world measure social progress not by technological prowess 
or military might but by the cleanliness of public facilities and appreciation
of music.  What does that make Seattle?

This has been an Internet News Update, staff writer Miles Kilgore reporting

*If you wish a name added or removed to the Internet News Service mailing
list, please send a message to  and include
your E-mail address in the main text.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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