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Fun with VMS
(original, smirk, computers)

After many many requests: *drum roll*

With a few more additions and some more text explanations...

Here is Chuck's top 10 (v2) list of things to do when you find someone left their Vax/VMS account without logging out:

10. Just start copying their existing files to random names and fill up 
    their disk quota. Use long names and don't repeat them so they are  
    hard to delete. Like kdielshigleiahgpzpaliillapzpwolvzzibnx/wozovne.mpr 
    Its much easier than it looks. 

9. Change their default directory to someplace they don't have privileges for. Oh, like maybe Disk2:[fac.Dr_Meany]

8. Change all of their protection settings so that they do not have access to their own files. (This one brings a tear to my eye.)

7. Put all their files into a directory called I_am_stupid.duh This can be fun if they never figured out what set default means.

6. Edt their file: Change all of their def/nolog stuff so that each time they try to talk to their friend they request that the OPER mount disk_14a. (Or SYSADMIN, USER, etc...) OPER has SUCH a good sense of humor about this.

5. You can't increase your own priority for the CPU but you can lower it. Drop their priority down to 0.--When they are tired of waiting 20 min just to do a 'dir' you can explain to them that they must be using to much space (see number 3).

4. Edit their file: Add this line; $ lo (when they login they automatically logout!) Nice, quick, simple to implement... etc.

4b. Edit their file: Add this line; $ lo*gout == "help logout" This way they CAN'T logout! Sorta the roach motel idea, they can login, but they can't logout.

3. Save a little disk space and combine all their files, executables too, into one big file. Don't forget to erase all those other files.

2. Change their prompt to read: @system error--please logout and try again. A true classic and a personal favorite.

1. Get in their email and let that prof know what you REALLY think about their freaking class! (Slightly outmoded in the age of forgery.)

A. Get in their and add this line: $dir == "dir" Then when they type DIR they see FILES NOT FOUND. That'll up their heart rate.

B. Take full advantage of the REMIND function. Set it to REMIND the person every 10 min that they need to log off. Set it so that it appears to tell them its time to logoff. Practice this one at home.

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