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Kerpow! Kerpow! -- Take that!!! (Larry Emmett)

Heard this one from my brother-in-law quite a while ago.

A young gunfighter that thinks he's mighty hot stuff walks into a bar full
of older, more experienced gunfighters.  The young hotshot looks around and
picks out a fellow sitting alone at the bar.  He walks up to the fellow, 
and says "Hey old man, you want to see how fast I am??"

Before the older gunslinger has a chance to say a word, the young newcomer
draws both of his guns, shoots the cuff links off the piano player's shirt, 
and re-holsters his pistols.

Now the old gunfighter looks at the kid and says "That wasn't too bad, but
let me give you a few pieces of advice that will make your life a little
easier in the future."  

"The first thing you should do is file this firing pin way down" says the 
gunslinger, "That way the gun will fire with just a hair-light touch on the 

The kid had to agree that was pretty good advice, because you could 
never tell when a fraction of a second would save your life.

"The second thing you should do" says the old gunslinger, "is to file the
front sight off your pistol so that it doesn't drag coming out of your 
holster and slow you down on the draw."

Well, the kid thought this was pretty good advice as well.  Anything for
a little bit of speed when he was drawing his gun.

"The last bit of advice I've got for you is , first chance you get, dip
both of those fancy pearl handled pistols into a bucket of lard and make
sure you get a nice thick coat on them."

Now the kid wasn't so sure about this one so he asks the old gunslinger:
"Why is that, will it make it easier to get my pistols out of their

"Well," says the old gunslinger, "it might do that, but the main reason
for it is that as soon as Doc Holiday finishes playing that song, he's 
going to shove them up your ass."

Larry Emmett

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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