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Here's another one I found..

Dear Sir,

I have just received your letter in regard to the bill that I owe you,
and I am supposed to pay so soon, I will enlighten you.

In 1954 I bought a Saw Mill on credit.  In 1956 an Ox Team and Lumber Team,
Two (2) Ponies, a Breach Loading Gun, a Winchester, and a $25 revolver.
Also two (2) fine Razor Back Hogs, all on your damned installment plan.

In 1956 a rail worker knocked up my daughter and I had to pay $98 to keep
the bastard from becoming a relative of mine.

In 1957 my youngest boy had the mumps and they dropped on him.  The Doctor
had to casterate him to keep him alive.  Later we went fishing and the
boat upset and I lost the biggest Damn CatFish you ever saw.  Two of my boys
drowned, neither of them was the casterated one.

In 1958 my wife ran away with a Gigolo and left me with a pair of shitty
twins as a souvenier, then I married the hired girl to cut out expenses.
She had trouble getting her gun off, so I went to the Doctor and he said to
cause some excitement about the time she was ready to come.  That night I
took my shot-gun to bed with me, and about the time she was ready to come I
shot the gun out the window.  My wife shit in the bed, I ruptured myself,
and shot the best cow I ever had.

In 1959, I decided to try again.  I bought a manure spreader, a Farm-All
Tractor, and a Thrashing Machine all on credit.  And along came a cyclone
and blew the whole damned works away.

In 1960 my wife caught the "Clap" from a traveling salesman and wiped her
ass on a corn cob that had rat poison on it, and the same dirty bastard
de-nutted my best bull.

Now at the present time, if it costs a nickel to shit I wouldn't be able to
fart, yet you say you can cause me trouble.  Trying to get money out of me
would be like trying to poke butter up a Wild-Cat's ass with a hot iron.

BUT MISTER, YOU ARE SURE WELCOME TO TRY.

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