For the last 3 weeks, officially, and for the last 2 years, unofficially, we've had to endure the tedium of a General Election campaign in the UK. As a result the last 20-odd news bulletins I've heard have been something like this: Here is the news. The election campaign today concentrated on the issue of Health./Education./the EEC./taxes./the economy./Defence./public transport./ devolution./public spending. For the Tories, John Major/Douglas Hurd/Kenneth Clark/Norman Lamont/Kenneth Baker condemned/described Neil Kinnock/Gerald Kaufman/John Smith/Gordon Brown/Roy Hattersley/John Prescott as a bearded/bald/Welsh/sinister/fat/stupid creep,/moron,/windbag,/toad,/lunatic,/fraud, while for Labour, Neil Kinnock/Gerald Kaufman/John Smith/Gordon Brown/Roy Hattersley/John Prescott condemned/described John Major/Douglas Hurd/Kenneth Clark/Norman Lamont/Kenneth Baker as a selfish/bloated/dangerous/brutal/crooked/lying/dull grey hound./android./snob./Rottweiler./swindler. For the Liberal Democrats, Paddy Ashdown condemned the personal attacks/bickering/negative tactics/rudeness/insults/attitudes of the other two parties and described John Kinnock/Neil Major/Gerald Hurd/Douglas Kaufman/John Lamont/Norman Smith as a crazy/wicked/despotic/foolish/nasty/confused child-molester./mass-murderer/rapist./thief./liar./adulterer. Three new opinion polls were published today: a Mori/Harris poll puts the Conservatives 3/4/5/6/7 points ahead, whereas a National Opinion Poll/Gallup poll puts the Labour Party 3/4/5/6/7 points ahead. A MORON/RAVING/BATTY/DUMBO/GOOFY poll puts the Liberal Democrats/Monster Raving Loony Party/Welsh Nationalists/ Whiplash (corrective) party/Natural Law party/Fancy Dress party/Gremloids in the lead by 27/37/47 percentage points. The BBC poll of polls, which combines the four most recent polls, puts Labour/the Conservatives one point/half a point/two points/one and a half points ahead. And now the rest of the news: World War III broke out today./China has invaded Australia./ Saddam Hussein has attacked Israel./the Martians have landed./ the Second Coming took place 20 minutes ago./ the Netherlands disappeared under the sea this morning./ Chernobyl has exploded again.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)