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Congressional Quicken (john gay)
(topical, original, smirk)

With all of the check writing problems Congress-Critters are having now Intuit,
the makers of the best selling home finance software Quicken, would like to
introduce their newest in a line of financial software:

                     Congressional Quicken

Congressional Quicken is a new version of Quicken written specifically for
Congress people who have trouble keeping track of their financial status.
With Congressional Quicken we took regular Quicken and redesigned it with a
much simplified interface (we know our clientele).  Congressional Quicken
has features specifically designed to make sure that the Congress person can
never become overdrawn or face the embarassment of overdrafting a check.
(Thereby avoiding the rath of the lowly voter.)

Here is what a normal Quicken account might look like:
|Date | Check # | To/From:                    | Debit    | Credit   |  Total |
                                                                    |  282.51|
|03/12|   192   | To: Grocery Store (food)    |  87.33   |          |  195.18|
|03/15|   DEP   | From: Work (salary)         |          |  135.66  |  330.84|
|03/17|   193   | To: Credit Card             | 450.00   |          | -119.16|

Notice how check 193 caused the total to go negative (a cash flow reversal),
this could never happen with Congressional Quicken.  Here is a sample from
one of the top Congressional seats that uses Congressional Quicken:
|Date | Check # | To/From:                    |     Credit     |    Total    |
                                                               |    158932.21|
|03/12|   192   | To: Grocery Store (party)   |    2153.45     |    161085.66|
|03/15|   DEP   | From: Bribe (salary)        |    5625.00     |    166710.66|
|03/17|   193   | To: Credit Card (party)     |    8321.88     |    175032.54|

Enhanced features of Congressional Quicken:
No debit column - Everything is counted as a credit.  Makes it much easier
                  for the busy Congress person who now doesn't need to worry
                  about the headache of subtraction and when to "borrow" from
                  one column.
Expanded Credit and Total columns - No more worry about how to squeeze in those
                                    extra numbers when the next pay raise rolls

All this and many, many more features for the unbelievably low price of
Cash only. No checks, no credit cards, no exceptions.
(we know that regular Quicken is only $79.95, but hey this is a government

Order now and you will also receive our highly acclaimed pop-up TSR:

                         Budget Busters

Yes, Budget Busters, the very same program that is used by such overpaid,
under-responsible US executives as:

a former-president of United Way, who had this to say about Budget Busters,
    "With out Budget Busters I could not have earned $460,000 as the
     president of a charity.  It helped me to hide my salary for years
     and I won't even talk about the perks that it helped me to get."

a CEO of IBM, "Do you really think that I could have helped IBM lose
     as many millions of dollars as I did, blast my employees for
     being lazy, and give myself a 17% pay raise without the help of
     Budget Busters."

Many executives at GMC, "Budget Busters helped us to dole out $80 million
     in executive bonus's while our company was going down the tubes."

Resolution Trust Corporation (RTC) handling the S&L bailout, "Without the
     help of Budget Busters could we say 'What $7 billion?'"

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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