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More from the one liner file (8/11)
(various, swearing, sexual)

Here are more snippets from the one liner file.  While preparing RHF,
I collect short jokes that aren't quite worthy of an individual posting
in the one liner file.  Every so often I put digests of these out to
the group.  (Beware that some readers, such as NN, will mistakenly
present all these items in the digest as individual articles. 
Undigestification is a stupid kludge, but you have to live with it.)

These short items may contain swearing, mature themes and stereotypes.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Jim Mercer)
Subject: funny newsletter title

the canadian bar association (ontario) has a newsletter aimed at estates
and trust accounts called "deadbeat".

hmmmm...  does this mean that lawyers do have a sense of humor?

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (David C Lawrence)
Subject: Atlanta's Failing Franchises

>From "Who Dat", a fictional article by George Alec Effinger in the May
1991 _Playboy_.  I've not verified whether this part is fact.

  Atlanta's sports teams are about as pitiful as one could hope.  They
  had a contest recently to choose a slogan for the Braves.  One of
  the entries read, "Go, Braves!  And take the damn Falcons with you!"

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: Intermetrics, Inc.  Cambridge MA.
From: (johndoe)
Subject: the converse to angels on a pin 

heard from a friend who said he heard this joke while on a trip to the 
whirl, near liverpool, england.

Q: How do you fit 1000 elephants into a safeway shopping cart?

A: To get the answer, take the s out of safe and the f out of way.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject:      Countdown!
From: (Michael J. Irvin, WSU, 509/335-0437)

Source: Colleague at the University of Washington
Question: What is:

        one?       (answer below)

Answer: Bo Dereck getting older.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: Brumfuss U.
From: (J. Joshua)
Subject: Urban driving jokes

Heard on K-ROCK, NY area....

The other day I was driving on the GW bridge and this guy changed
lanes right in front of me... From the upper level to the lower level!

And he didn't even signal!


They drive so crazy in Chicago that anything moving slower than 65mph
is considered a house.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories
From: (Bruce D Woods)
Subject: New Toy Company

AT&T executive overheard at a recent coctail party,

"Did you hear about the new toy company?"  he asked.

"No?  It's called NCR'US."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Edward L. Rodriguez)
Subject: end of the gulf war

In regards to Saddam Hussein's brutal repression of post-war rebellions,
comedian Mark Russell said the following:

The Gulf War was a bit like mediocre sex...
                   we finished too soon.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Mike Godwin)
Subject: Sununu

A friend suggests the best name for the scandal surrounding
John Sununu's immoderate reliance on government airplanes:


	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Douglas Gates)
Subject: Something to think about

If your knees bent the other way, what would chairs look like?

My sister asked me this one.  She probably learned it at Colorado College, but
who's to say for sure?

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Roger Pick)
Subject: Those who can't teach, teach physical education

Do you know what an assistant dean is?  A mouse in training to be a rat.

Those who can, do;  those who can't, teach;  
those who can't teach, teach teachers.

The rich get richer, the poor get teachers.

Jesus Christ was a good teacher, but he didn't publish.
The above appeared in The Chronicle for Higher Education, page A15
of the May 8, 1991 issue.  I removed them from their context which was an
article about attitudes of academics towards a new emphasis on teaching.
Roger Alan Pick 

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Michael Edelman)
Subject: Backwards Country Music, Pt. II

What happens when you play Country music backwards? Not only do you
get your dog, your job, your car and your wife back, but you also
vomit eight cups of coffee and an entire fifth of whiskey.

   Apologies from: (Mike Edelman)

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Scott Whitman)
Subject: a quickie

Heard this the other night at a party:

Q: What do you call a sexual intellectual?

A: A fucking know-it-all.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Ian Rowlands)
Subject: How smart is a man really?
Organization: University of Melbourne, EE Engineering

This is one heard on a local TV show.

What do you call a man who has lost 90% of his intelligence?

A widower

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Mike Karin)

Seen on a bumper sticker from a store that sells fishing tackle:

        "The best way to a man's heart is through his fly!"

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Mark Jones)
Subject: Bathroom wall

Written on the bathroom wall in my favorite local bar:

"Support mental health or I'll kill you"

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject:      Quayle/Sununu
From: (Steve Lamont)

Heard Daniel Shorr say this today (Sat, June 22, 1991) on NPR's Weekend

    George Bush has two problems.  Dan Quayle, a heartbeat away from the
    Presidency, and John Sununu, a deadbeat away from the Presidency.


	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject: Sexual, Freudian, Oedipal

Heard from a friend at work (who claims it was graffiti in London):

      Have you heard about the new fast food resturant called
      Kentucky Freud Chicken?

      It's mother-fuckin' good!

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Van Snyder)
Subject: Bumper Sticker

Recently saw a new bumper sticker:

"Congress Happens"

I'm sure you've seen the earlier one on which this is based.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Rose Greg)
Subject: Quote from EurOpen conference

Rob Pike, in a question to the speaker:
   "The only thing that is fault tolerant about the Internet is
    that the users are prepared to tolerate its faults..."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject: Individuality ain't what it used to be

Seen painted on a fence at CMU...

  You're 1 in a million; there's 7 1/2 of you in New York.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Van Snyder)
Subject: Pit Bull

From my secretary:

What do you do if a Pit Bull is humping your leg?
Fake an orgasm!

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Joaquim Baptista [pxQuim])
Subject: W. C. prayer

Seen on the W. C. of a bar in Lisbon:

	Holy Virgin who conceived without sin
	Let me sin without conceiving

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Richard Murnane)
Subject: The Cannibal who loved children

Q: Did you hear about the cannibal who loved children?

A: He just adored the platter of little feet...

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: V2153A@templevm.UUCP
Subject: male persons in religious organizations

Heard this on the radio May 28, 1991 - Philadelphia, Pa.

      What do priests call themselves in the rectory?

      Unwed Fathers.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Van Snyder)
Subject: Farberisms

Quotations from Dave Farber, formerly chairman of CS dept at University
of California Irvine; also University of Delaware:

We're all going down the same road in different directions.

Never sleep with anybody crazier than you are.

A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else.

Submitted by Van Snyder,

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Douglas Ingram)
Subject: lottery, smirk

From John Keister, of Seattle's "Almost Live!" comedy show:

	The lottery is just a tax on people who are bad at math.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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