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More from the one liner file (11/11)
(various, swearing, sexual)

Here are more snippets from the one liner file.  While preparing RHF,
I collect short jokes that aren't quite worthy of an individual posting
in the one liner file.  Every so often I put digests of these out to
the group.  (Beware that some readers, such as NN, will mistakenly
present all these items in the digest as individual articles. 
Undigestification is a stupid kludge, but you have to live with it.)

These short items may contain swearing, mature themes and stereotypes.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: Westinghouse, ITTC, Pgh, PA.
From: (Frank P. Bresz)
Subject: VAXES

VAX: A machine for the 80's, and it still is.

Quoted from : Don Perkins <>

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Joseph M Dakes)
Subject: Football and Sex

Q:  How is football similar to oral sex?

A:  Whoever wins the toss usually elects to receive.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=

Two friends went to a striptease show.  Despite the air-conditioning,
one noticed that his companion was sweating profusely.
Concerned, he asked his friend, "Is it too hot for you in here"?
"No", replied the other, "It's not the teat but the tumidity".

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Marty Ward)
Subject: PMS Joke

Overheard at the secretaries' office area where I work.

Q: What is the definition of PMS?

A: Putting up with Men's Shit.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Pam George)
Subject: deaf joke

          While driving back from vacation,my husband and I passed a church
 for the deaf. Being partially deaf,I pointed it out to my husband. He said he
 guessed that the preacher only went through the motions.....

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Joshua Heller)
Subject: possibly original joke

Said while trying to convince a friend to stop spending so much time in rn:
"Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read"
I thought it was funny enough at the time that I had to, well, post it.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject: Intel/AMD lawsuit
From:!well!alcmist@decwrl.UUCP (Frederick Wamsley)

<original, as far as I know>

Intel CEO Andy Groves responded to AMD's allegations against Intel by 
calling AMD "the Milli Vanilli of the chip business".

This suggests interesting possibilities.  Is Intel the Frank Sinatra 
of the chip business?  Is IBM the Barry Manilow of systems?  Apple
is clearly the Madonna of personal computers.  Data General would be
the Guns 'n Roses of minis.

And I won't even tell you who Microsoft is!

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: al@calsci.UUCP (Al Petterson)
Subject: Imitation is the sincerest form of...

My fiancee on occasion pretends to be a dumb blonde, which she does
uncannily well, despite being brilliant and raven-haired.  She said the
following to me yesterday (tongue in cheek):

"Sherri wanted to, y'know, play this game on her Macintosh, and so she,
y'know, asked me for help 'cause she was having problems getting it to load
-- but I don't know why, 'cause I don't know anything about the Mac, since
all the computers at work are PC's, right?  But you know what?  I played
with it for a minute and it's just like that Windows program!  Except I
don't think they did as good a job with it as they do on the PC."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Michael C. Berch)
Subject: Rodney King, yet another...

Heard at a writers' conference in L.A. last week:

Q. Why did the L.A. cops leave the ballgame early?

A. They wanted to beat the crowd!

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (naomi seeger)
Subject: democracy

Q: So what's an onomatopia?

A: A socio-governmental system that just sounds good.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (])
Subject: modifify a cliche to invent good physics

Quantum particles: the dreams that stuff is made of.

                                   --David Moser

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject: Lowe

Heard on the radio this morning:

Rob Lowe has been signed to star in the movie "Wayne's World" as a
cost saving move by the studio.  You see, he's already filmed the sex scene.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (David H. West)
Subject: Yet Another Lightbulb

Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to climb the ladder, and the other to hand him up the
   penis^H^H^H^H^H light bulb.

[heard from Jay Ungar, revised for ASCII by sender]

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: msentell@resdgs1.UUCP (Mark Sentell)
Subject: smirk, funny

An original, and hopefully the last Pee-Wee Herman joke ever told.

Pee-Wee Herman give new meaning to the term "slap-stick humor"

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Richard A. Schumacher)
Subject: I grieved, for I had no cash...

...'til I met a man who had no credit cards.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (John Lucena)
Subject: RE: Summer Movies.

Those guys from UNC forgot my favorite summer movie:
  Sleeping with the Public Enemy.
   (julia roberts does the nasty with Chuck D, Terminator X and
   professor Grith and the whole S1W squad!)

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (V I C T O R)
Subject: Bar scenes

Heard from an office mate.

Claims it is a true story.

There is a bar out west that has an open bar in the front and instead of the
back room filled with pool tables, they have poker tables.  At this bar, they
sell t-shirts to generate extra funds that says:

	"Liquor up front, Poker in the rear"

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: jonathan@procase.UUCP (Jonathan Ganz)
Subject: twisted cliches

Prosecutors will be violated.
Honesty is a changing policy.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Hobson's Choice  22-Aug-1991 0821)
Subject: Glorified title and job description can be attractive ... ??

From The Daily Egyptian, the student newspaper of Southern Illinois
University at Carbondale, July 25, 1991, page 10.
GIANT CITY LODGE now hiring busboys and ceramic engineers (dishwashers).
We're looking for a few sharp people who can hustle. call 457- 4921 

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Ray Deonandan)
Subject: cheetah

If Tarzan is an engineer, and Jane is an engineer, what does
that make Cheetah?

A: designated driver.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Laure Haak)
Subject: August Respite

The real reason for the collapse of the coup in the Soviet Union
has now become clear.  The Soviets have managed to gain what
Americans have been trying to get for more than 200 years:
a national holiday in August.
Laure Haak

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject: more CCCP COUP humor

How many Coup leaders does it take to change a light bulb?

Give up?

Well, more than eight, anyway...

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: gnat - Dunellen, NJ
From: ahm@gnat.UUCP
Subject: I didn't know that!

Overhead on TV:

Did you know that automobile air-conditioning was invented by 
three little old Jewish guys? Sure... I can prove it. 
Their names are on your dashboard: Max, Norm and Hi.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: None, Mt. Laurel, NJ
From: (T. William Wells)
Subject: Every programmer's favorite

From Scientific American, July 1991, in the Mathematical
Recreations column:

The column describes an insect-like robot and then relates an
incident in which a curious visitor, on seeing the thing for the
first time, asks "is it a bug?" The reply: "No, it's a feature".

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject: word play

Heard on WRDU FM Raleigh, NC. . .

   Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Rob Beezer)

Roseanne Barr Arnold has sued her talent agency for fraud.  She is
asking $60 million in damages -  $30 million only is for punitive
damages, the other $30 million is for groceries.

Bob Rivers, KISW radio

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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