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More from the one liner file (10/11)
(various, swearing, sexual)

Here are more snippets from the one liner file.  While preparing RHF,
I collect short jokes that aren't quite worthy of an individual posting
in the one liner file.  Every so often I put digests of these out to
the group.  (Beware that some readers, such as NN, will mistakenly
present all these items in the digest as individual articles. 
Undigestification is a stupid kludge, but you have to live with it.)

These short items may contain swearing, mature themes and stereotypes.

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Subject: How's That Again?
From: (Walter C. Daugherity)

Cognitive dissonance: A "Save the Rainforests" bumper sticker on a

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From: (Rune Henning Johansen)
Subject: Mating.

From "Genetic Algorithms" by David E. Goldberg:

  ... people do not attempt to mate with cats, and frogs do not
  attempt to mate with scientist (although the latter possibility
  might result in a researcher who jumps to conclusions).

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Scott Hammer)
Subject: National Hot Dog Month

I though of this as I was listening to NPR this morning:

Apparently, July is National Hot Dog Month.  If this is true, I imagine
there must also be National Hot Dog Awards.  I can just imagine this.
Someone opens an envelope, looks at the contents and says: "And the
Wiener is . . . Oscar Mayer!"

-Scott Hammer
 College of William and Mary

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Organization: Spam Detection & Removal Squad, Austin, TX
From: (Bryan Bayerdorffer @ Wit's End)
Subject: Devilish one-liner

	If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject: volkswagon, rabbit, original

Anyone who has ever raised rabbits will appreciate the humor/dilemma implied:

Q. how many rabbits does it take to fill a Volkswagon?

A. two.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: Megatek Corporation, San Diego, California
From: barto@megatek.UUCP (David Barto)
Subject: Marketing Hope

From a Marketing type:

    Don't give me any technical reason why something can't be done.
    If you really believed in the product you'd make it work.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Mary Loveless)
Subject: My mother's favorite recipe 

Any others to add to this one?

Honeymoon salad:  lettuce alone, with no dressing

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From: (Library Staff)
Subject: Pampers and Window Washing Fluid

Have you ever noticed that diapers can soak up a gallon of blue window
washing liquid but can't absorb one leak by a 6 month old girl?  And
besides, how many times does a baby get wiper fluid down its pants?


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Organization: Phillip's Philosophy Shop, Nashville TN
From: (Phillip McReynolds)
Subject: Curses! Broiled again!

A source is a source, of course of course,
Unless, of course, the source is a curse;
And if, of course, the source is a curse,
Then a termcap entry's required.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (EY Sauder clyde jeffr)
Subject: motorcycle one-liner

Did you hear they've created a new cereal for Harley Davidson owners?

It's called Nut & Bitch.

Jeff Sauder

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Steve Poole)
Subject: Imagine that

Rita Rudner says she wasn't popular as a child.  She only had
two friends.

They were both imaginary.  

They played with each other.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Eric Iverson)
Subject: By and large

By and large, I'm glad I'm not bi and large!


	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Charlie Reiman)
Subject: Japanese Humor

I read this in the Chicago Tribune in an article about American-Japanese
relations. They reported that this joke is floating around Japan:
  "America: A nice place to own, but I wouldn't want to live there."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Jim Howard)
Subject: Pit bull joke

	Source: "Kayla's mom".

	Q: What has four legs an an arm?

	A: A VERY happy pit bull!

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject: Sniglet

Original (as far as I know).

Evangelonging (e'van ja long ing),

The practice of (tel-)evangelists to emphasize a word by
stretching out the middle.  (i.e., Ga-aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh-d)

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Topher Eliot)
Subject: searching for a husband

I got this from an article in my local paper on the shortage of eligible males.
The quoted someone in Alaska as saying that up there, for a woman who wants
to get married "the odds are good, but the goods are odd".

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: 3M Health Information Systems, Wallingford, CT
From: (Mike Palmer)
Subject: Michael Landon

Just heard on the radio:

Michael Landon has just signed to do a new show for CBS.

	"Little Box on the Prairie"

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Edward L. Rodriguez)
Subject: Harvard men

The following was a favorite saying of a former boss, who went to Harvard
for graduate school:

"You can always tell a Harvard Man...but you can't tell him much."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject: Scanner For Sale

For Sale:

	Hand scanner - only used twice.


	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Jim Anderson)
Subject: politically correct recycling (original)

From a corporate memo in the not too distant future...

   All recycling bins designated for Colored Paper will be plainly
   labelled for "Paper of Color"

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Steven M. Miller)
Subject: 3 dead chickens?

What do you call 3 dead chickens and a tractor that won't start?

The South Dakota state fair.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Randal L. Schwartz)
Subject: something goofy

Line dropped from an early script of a popular Disney flick:

"Didn't there used to be more than eight of us, Hungry?"

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Eric C. Olson)
Subject: french trains

From a friend quoting a french language book:

	"French trains are possibly the finest in the world.
	But they are not prefect -- we must share them with
	the French."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Mike Johnston - (212)528-6023)
Subject: Computer toolkit

My personal computer "toolkit" consists of 1 hammer and 1 rubber. My motto,
"If you can't fix it, fuck it!"


	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: Sun Microsystems
From: (Larry Phillips [Sun Vancouver FSE])
Subject: Rap songs

"Every time you hear a half decent rap song, some black guy starts talking over top of it."


"MsDos is to computing as Etch-A-Sketch is to art."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Jayne West)
Subject: One Liner: Dyslexic Rabbi

Q: What do you do for a choking dyslexic rabbi?

A: You perform the L'chaim Maneuver.

Original; I wrote it myself on 8/2/91 at approximately 10:30 PM in

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Bob Kanefsky)
Subject: riddled with bugs

[I think this is original, unless someone else has already thought of
it.  By the way, my other submission (of 8/1/91) is original; I didn't
realize I was supposed to mark it as such until I got the auto reply,
since I don't subscribe.  --Kanef]

   Q:	What's the main difference between what biologists call a "bug"
	and what computer programmers call a "bug"?

   A:	Biological bugs reproduce very easily.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Plenty mushrooms around here..  06-Aug-1991 0831)
Subject: It's not that `it's a small world' that's the problem..

    Windows are all the rage these days.  It's just as I've always claimed:
    the world just keeps getting more and more X-centric.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
From: (Ajay Shah)
Subject: Topical joke, from Dave Letterman's show

q: What was John Sununu's least offensive ethics violation?
a: He used to make Dan Quayle wash his car.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Art Markman)
Subject: Greeting Card I'd like to see.

For someone turning 50:

They say that if something bothers you, you should think of it in 
a new way.

So don't think of it as 50 years...

Think of it as 5/7 of the normal human lifespan.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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