Here are more snippets from the one liner file. While preparing RHF, I collect short jokes that aren't quite worthy of an individual posting in the one liner file. Every so often I put digests of these out to the group. (Beware that some readers, such as NN, will mistakenly present all these items in the digest as individual articles. Undigestification is a stupid kludge, but you have to live with it.) These short items may contain swearing, mature themes and stereotypes. = = = = = = = Subject: How's That Again? From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Walter C. Daugherity) Cognitive dissonance: A "Save the Rainforests" bumper sticker on a Mitsubishi. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Rune Henning Johansen) Subject: Mating. From "Genetic Algorithms" by David E. Goldberg: ... people do not attempt to mate with cats, and frogs do not attempt to mate with scientist (although the latter possibility might result in a researcher who jumps to conclusions). = = = = = = = From: SCOTH%WMVM1.firstname.lastname@example.org (Scott Hammer) Subject: National Hot Dog Month I though of this as I was listening to NPR this morning: Apparently, July is National Hot Dog Month. If this is true, I imagine there must also be National Hot Dog Awards. I can just imagine this. Someone opens an envelope, looks at the contents and says: "And the Wiener is . . . Oscar Mayer!" -Scott Hammer College of William and Mary = = = = = = = Organization: Spam Detection & Removal Squad, Austin, TX From: email@example.com (Bryan Bayerdorffer @ Wit's End) Subject: Devilish one-liner If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee. = = = = = = = From: SHEERAN@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu Subject: volkswagon, rabbit, original Anyone who has ever raised rabbits will appreciate the humor/dilemma implied: Q. how many rabbits does it take to fill a Volkswagon? A. two. = = = = = = = Organization: Megatek Corporation, San Diego, California From: barto@megatek.UUCP (David Barto) Subject: Marketing Hope From a Marketing type: Don't give me any technical reason why something can't be done. If you really believed in the product you'd make it work. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Mary Loveless) Subject: My mother's favorite recipe Any others to add to this one? Honeymoon salad: lettuce alone, with no dressing = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Library Staff) Subject: Pampers and Window Washing Fluid Have you ever noticed that diapers can soak up a gallon of blue window washing liquid but can't absorb one leak by a 6 month old girl? And besides, how many times does a baby get wiper fluid down its pants? --Ixabibble = = = = = = = Organization: Phillip's Philosophy Shop, Nashville TN From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Phillip McReynolds) Subject: Curses! Broiled again! A source is a source, of course of course, Unless, of course, the source is a curse; And if, of course, the source is a curse, Then a termcap entry's required. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (EY Sauder clyde jeffr) Subject: motorcycle one-liner Did you hear they've created a new cereal for Harley Davidson owners? It's called Nut & Bitch. Jeff Sauder firstname.lastname@example.org = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Steve Poole) Subject: Imagine that Rita Rudner says she wasn't popular as a child. She only had two friends. They were both imaginary. They played with each other. = = = = = = = From: EIVERSO@cms.cc.wayne.edu (Eric Iverson) Subject: By and large By and large, I'm glad I'm not bi and large! --Eric = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Charlie Reiman) Subject: Japanese Humor I read this in the Chicago Tribune in an article about American-Japanese relations. They reported that this joke is floating around Japan: "America: A nice place to own, but I wouldn't want to live there." = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Jim Howard) Subject: Pit bull joke Source: "Kayla's mom". Q: What has four legs an an arm? A: A VERY happy pit bull! = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Sniglet Original (as far as I know). Evangelonging (e'van ja long ing), The practice of (tel-)evangelists to emphasize a word by stretching out the middle. (i.e., Ga-aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh-d) = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Topher Eliot) Subject: searching for a husband I got this from an article in my local paper on the shortage of eligible males. The quoted someone in Alaska as saying that up there, for a woman who wants to get married "the odds are good, but the goods are odd". = = = = = = = Organization: 3M Health Information Systems, Wallingford, CT From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Mike Palmer) Subject: Michael Landon Just heard on the radio: Michael Landon has just signed to do a new show for CBS. "Little Box on the Prairie" = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Edward L. Rodriguez) Subject: Harvard men The following was a favorite saying of a former boss, who went to Harvard for graduate school: "You can always tell a Harvard Man...but you can't tell him much." = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Scanner For Sale For Sale: Hand scanner - only used twice. (original) = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Jim Anderson) Subject: politically correct recycling (original) From a corporate memo in the not too distant future... All recycling bins designated for Colored Paper will be plainly labelled for "Paper of Color" = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Steven M. Miller) Subject: 3 dead chickens? What do you call 3 dead chickens and a tractor that won't start? The South Dakota state fair. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Randal L. Schwartz) Subject: something goofy Line dropped from an early script of a popular Disney flick: "Didn't there used to be more than eight of us, Hungry?" = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Eric C. Olson) Subject: french trains From a friend quoting a french language book: "French trains are possibly the finest in the world. But they are not prefect -- we must share them with the French." = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Mike Johnston - (212)528-6023) Subject: Computer toolkit My personal computer "toolkit" consists of 1 hammer and 1 rubber. My motto, "If you can't fix it, fuck it!" MJ = = = = = = = Organization: Sun Microsystems From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Larry Phillips [Sun Vancouver FSE]) Subject: Rap songs "Every time you hear a half decent rap song, some black guy starts talking over top of it." -larry "MsDos is to computing as Etch-A-Sketch is to art." = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Jayne West) Subject: One Liner: Dyslexic Rabbi Q: What do you do for a choking dyslexic rabbi? A: You perform the L'chaim Maneuver. Original; I wrote it myself on 8/2/91 at approximately 10:30 PM in Cambridge. = = = = = = = From: Kanef@charon.arc.nasa.gov (Bob Kanefsky) Subject: riddled with bugs [I think this is original, unless someone else has already thought of it. By the way, my other submission (of 8/1/91) is original; I didn't realize I was supposed to mark it as such until I got the auto reply, since I don't subscribe. --Kanef] Q: What's the main difference between what biologists call a "bug" and what computer programmers call a "bug"? A: Biological bugs reproduce very easily. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Plenty mushrooms around here.. 06-Aug-1991 0831) Subject: It's not that `it's a small world' that's the problem.. Windows are all the rage these days. It's just as I've always claimed: the world just keeps getting more and more X-centric. = = = = = = = Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA From: email@example.com (Ajay Shah) Subject: Topical joke, from Dave Letterman's show q: What was John Sununu's least offensive ethics violation? a: He used to make Dan Quayle wash his car. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Art Markman) Subject: Greeting Card I'd like to see. For someone turning 50: They say that if something bothers you, you should think of it in a new way. So don't think of it as 50 years... Think of it as 5/7 of the normal human lifespan.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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