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More from the one liner file (9/11)
(various, swearing, sexual)

Here are more snippets from the one liner file.  While preparing RHF,
I collect short jokes that aren't quite worthy of an individual posting
in the one liner file.  Every so often I put digests of these out to
the group.  (Beware that some readers, such as NN, will mistakenly
present all these items in the digest as individual articles. 
Undigestification is a stupid kludge, but you have to live with it.)

These short items may contain swearing, mature themes and stereotypes.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: University of Maryland at College Park
From: (Patrick R. Gold)
Subject: Ohio State Park

Heard on the CB while driving entering Ohio on Memorial Day:
"Welcome to Ohio State Park.  Don't stop to feed the bears.  If they get
hungry they will stop you."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: RAVI@servax.bitnet (RAVI=SINGH)
Subject: Notices

This is probably old but here it goes.

                                N O T I C E

        If you notice this notice, you will notice after

noticing this notice that this notice is not worth noticing.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (tony bible)
Subject: Jesus, Joseph and Mary

	Garrison Keillor told this on A Prairie Home Companion this past

	Jesus, Joseph and Mary were doing chores around their home in
Nazareth when suddenly Jesus ran outside to Joseph, and asked, "Did you call
me?"  "No," Joseph replied, "I just hit my thumb with the hammer."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Daryl D. Spillmann)
Subject: Golf expletives

This was told to me by my friend, Donn Vangsnes...

Q.  What are three words frequently heard on a golf course, but never in a 

A.  Bite, you cocksucker!

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: Reuter:file Ltd.
From: (Leigh Clayton)
Subject: Job Classes

 Passed on from Peter Henderson, currently living in Germany.


This is a revision of a joke I originally heard on National Lampoon's album
"Radio Dinner", which was released in 1971 or 1972..

   Because of the current epidemic, the Peruvian government has had to
   re-classify its labour force as "white cholera" and "blue cholera".


	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: dve@zooid.UUCP (David Mason)

I just thought of this so it should be original.
Find the largest box you can mail, and mark on the outside
off, empty of course, to anyone you dislike.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Organization: Shared Systems Division, Motorola Canada Ltd., Toronto
From: murray@motto.UUCP (Murray S. Kucherawy)
Subject: Description of Apartheid

[Heard this from a friend.]

Apartheid: One man, one vote.  Once.

- murray@motto.UUCP

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Erik Fortune)
Subject: Father Knows Best

"When you're young, you ask your father all kinds of questions because
 you think he has some special kind of Dad knowledge.   Later you realize 
 that all he really knows is how to have sex with your mother."
			-- Comedian Jake Johansen

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Bradley L. Richards)
Subject: Earmuffs?

>From my girlfriend; I think she saw it on a European news group.

Q: Why do women have legs?
A: To keep your ears warm.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Nathan Torkington)
Subject: Penile Promises


"Promises are like penises: they are quick to come, hell to clean up after,
 painful if broken, and they leave a bitter taste if swallowed."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject: so long and thanks for no state budget.
From: (Jerome Grimmer)

Boy, the legislators in the US, esp. in Illinois.  They are the only ones for
which the following can be said about them:

1.  When a deadline is not met, they get overtime instead of canned.

2.  They are only up for review every two years, or sometimes less often than
    that, unless they really screw up, in which case #3 applies.

3.  Except for the times they are up for review/re-election in #2 above, they
    are really hard to get out of office, and sometimes even harder to find.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Benton Holzwarth)
Subject: Re: Ode to a Mammogram

    In reading the Ode to a Mammogram, I remembered the
thought I had when I saw one of the machines in action:


    Benton Holzwarth

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Peter (doesn't know much) Chun)
Subject: Avargadro

Avargadro's wife was a mole!!!!
		(if you don't understand ask a chemist!)

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Gerry Howser)
Subject: Chicken coups

Heard on the local radio KJMO "Joke of the Day" 6/11/91:

Q:  Why can you only have two doors on a chicken coup?

A:  If it had four it would be a chicken sedan.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: john@crcaus.UUCP (John R. Miller)
Subject: The Wright Stuff

Hard to believe the Iraq jokes haven't died down.  But since they haven't,
here's one I believe to be original,smirk:

Is it true Iraqi tanks all have North Carolina license plates?

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Paul J Landsberg)
Subject: Bad dream

Man on psychiatrist couch:

Last night I dreamt I had a harem....................all they wanted to
talk about was the relationship.

Source:  Utne Reader cartoon.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Djamal Bouzida)
Subject: Simulation/Masturbation

Heard from a friend at lunchtime today:

"Simulation is like masturbation.  The more you do it, the more you
think it's real."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Roger Hui)
Subject: Here and There

Told to me by W.F. Appleyard many years ago.

Psychiatrist to therapy group:  
      Do we know why we are all here?

Eccentric genius:
      Because we are not all there.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
Subject: an oxymoron
From: (Liane Acker)

Hear a new oxymoron the other day:

                Reagan memoirs

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: lupin@bogart.UUCP (Edward Lupin)
Subject: Bush jogging again

Heard on Paul Harvey News on 6/20/91:

George Bush is jogging again.  He has to.  Sununu has the car.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Leslie DeGroff)
Subject: current, IBM and Apple

  What do you get when you merge IBM and Apple
    Blueberry Macs

   I been moved to the orchard

   370 Desktop release 7.0

   mass market mainframes for the rest of us


	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Thomas Young Galloway)
Subject: Biblical computing

It's a well known fact that computing devices such as the abacus were invented
thousands of years ago. But it's not well known that the first use of a 
common computer protocol occured in the Old Testament.

This, of course, was when Moses aborted the Egyptians' process with a  

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Kirk M. Anne)
Subject: Another "I've ..." joke

I have truncated and I can't round up!

(My own, I think.)

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Guy Saffold)
Subject: Life in Cuba

>From a local newspaper story:

A riddle making the rounds in Cuba:

"What is a sardine?"

Answer: "A whale after thirty years of revolution."

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (EY Sauder clyde jeffr)
Subject: recursive humor

Thought for the day:

	What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Jeff Sauder	Johns Hopkins Universiy

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Chris Black)

Do you know what you call a beat-up Ragedy Andy doll lying face down
in a pile of rocks?

A Dirty Cotton Rock Sucker.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Jonathan Vaughan)
Subject: UMPIRE masculine deodorant spray

My mother-in-law reports seeing a new product, UMPIRE, in the masculine
hygiene deodorant spray section of the local mart.  It promises to
prevent foul balls.

	=	=	=	=	=	=	=
From: (Randall Smith)
Subject: Politically correct label for men (slightly sexist, slightly lewd)

    Came up with by a group of friends at dinner recently:

	What is a politically correct term for men?

	Vaginally disabled.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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