(this is original) WASHINGTON, D.C. (UPIX) As the senate confirmation hearings on Supreme Court nominee Clarence C. Thomas drew to a close, a startling revelation was made. Not only did Mr. Thomas discuss a pornographic movie star named Long Dong Silver, he in fact IS Long Dong Silver. The discovery was made by Senator Edward (Ted) Kennedy in the senate men's room. "He's been giving us a difficult time in there," said Senator Kennedy at a press conference this afternoon. "I wanted him to know who's was bigger. Boy was I surprised when I peeked over the stall." While Mr. Thomas has admitted to being the porno movie star, he continues to deny all charges of sexual harrassment. "I was required to shave my genitals during filming," Thomas said, "so I was very sensitive about pubic hair jokes. I would not have made that comment about the hair in the drink." There have been rumors that this story was actually a last-ditch attempt to distract attention away from the harrassment issue. A group of women who have been in the Kennedy compound have come forward to make their claims public. One was heard to say, "the thought of Ted Kennedy comparing himself to another man is ludicrous. Ted Kennedy comparing himself to a ground squirrel would be more approrpriate." Professor Hill was unavailable for comment. However, she was recently seen purchasing a VCR. -- firstname.lastname@example.org (Andy McFadden) email@example.com (expires in December) [ Above opinions are mine, Amdahl has nothing to do with them, etc, etc. ]
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