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The First 10 Seconds of Reading a Stupid Posting (Daniel Pearl)
Concurrent Computer Corporation, Westford, Massachusetts USA
(original, smirk, usenet)

(corrected body follows)


  [A satire of "What Happens During the First Second of an Auto Crash"
   posted on misc.consumers]
The following was apparently put out by the Georgia USENET Society
and is copied from the LA Buy-Rite Bargain Finder without permission.


Do you know what happens in the first ten seconds after reading a stupid
posting on USENET?

In the first second, you scan the article.  You have little suspicion
of what is about to happen to you.

In the second second, you stop dead in your tracks.  Incredulously, you 
go back and re-read the especially stupid sentence.  
"Perhaps," you charitably think, "I read it incorrectly."  You didn't.

In the third second, you skip to the bottom of the article and check
for ":-)"s.  You don't find any.  You mutter to yourself "Jeez... This
dweeb is serious."

In the fourth second, you look at the author's name.  Perhaps the posting
is from the .edu domain, and therefore should be chalked up to a
practical joke posted from an unattended terminal, or just the outpourings
of an immature undergraduate mind.  Nope!  The poster is from .com!

The fifth second finds you undergoing many body changes.  The hair on the
back of your neck stands on end, and your fingers start twitching.  Your
face flushes red in reaction to your building rage, indignation, or 
just shock.  You kick off your tightly laced shoes.

In the sixth second, the middle finger of your right hand drifts over the
"k" key on the keyboard.  Your finger continues to tremble, but it does not 
press the key.

In the seventh second, the muscle tone vanishes from the middle finger of
your right hand.  Simultaneously, the index finger of the left hand
drifts over the "r" key and almost presses it down.

In the eighth second, the index finger of the left hand, having done a
decoy over the "r" key, slips down the keyboard and firmly presses
the "f" key.  The right pinky, unnoticed in all the action, has already
pressed the shift key down.

In the ninth second, your favorite editor presents a lovely display
suitable for commentary by your witty prose.

In the tenth second, your fingers rip loose, vaults of flame fly open,
and volatile reactions break free, destined to strike the orignial
author from all directions.

The hostile comments bombarding the original author don't bother him,
because he is a dweeb.


(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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