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Humorous Airline Ad (Dan Quella)
(true, smirk)

The following appears in a Southwest Airlines newspaper ad in the 12/28/90
Arizona Republic. It is repeated three times in fine print in a box
labeled "Other Airlines' Restrictions." The box has a big messy X through it,
so it is a good thing that they repeated it three times or I never could
have transcribed it in its entirety...

"*Seat availability is limited and seats may not be available on all flights.
Travel for qualifying trips must occur between 2/12/91 and 2/13/91. Fares are
one-way requiring a round-trip purchase 21 days in advance or 28 days in 
advance during leap years. Minimum stay of 4 days is required, except for
Tuesday departures which require a 7 day minimum stay. Fares are non-refundable
and may not be available when you call. Passenger must be a Sagittarius, unless
the moon is in Jupiter. Fares may be higher for travel on peak days, summer
solstice, and employee birthdays. **Travel must commence by 5/3/91 for frequent
flyer members and between enrollment date and 5/6/91 for new members. A
Saturday night stay is required, but if originating on a Saturday, only a
Wednesday morning stay is required. Tickets may be used only when accompanied
by a lawyer. Phoenix-to-Los Angeles route may include unannounced stops in
Atlanta or Madrid. Fares do not include "nonpertainable aviation compensation
fees," which may be extra. ***Sale tickets prohibit the use of restrooms during
flights. Fares are subject to random adjustments on five minutes notice. Seat
availability is limited and some passengers may be required to stand. Travel is
valid in the Continental U.S. only and the Central Time Zone only on alternate
Sundays. Reservations are required. No jeans, T-shirts, sandals, shorts, striped
or polka-dotted clothing may be worn by passengers holding sale tickets. +This
offer not valid in conjunction with any discount coupon, voucher, certificate
or promotional offer by any airline, video rental outlet or supermarket. Tickets
may be given to family members except second cousins and relatives who never 
call or write but visit every year at Christmas time. Identification and/or
character witnesses may be required. ++Terms and conditions are subject to
change without notice. Stopovers not allowed. Not valid for travel during months
ending in "R." This offer void were prohibited by law, where people just don't
like it, or wherever you happen to live. For a complete list of new and amended
regulations associated with this offer, keep watching this space in your daily

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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