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Real Computer Wizard (Ralphe Neill)
Media Services Melbourne, Australia
(true, smirk)

At a recent social gathering I was introduced to a woman with the words, "You
two will get on well together. She's a Real Computer Wizard!"

ME: "Pleased to meet you."

RCW: "Hi!"

ME: "Where do you work?"

RCW: "I'm the operations manager at the ... (major Victorian State Government

ME (struggling to think of something intelligent to say): "Oh. What
operating system do you use there?"


ME: "Er, yes, er, what languages do you use?"


ME: ""

RCW: "What operating system do you use?"

ME: "UNIX and UNIX lookalikes."

RCW: "Oh, that shit!"

ME: "Have you used it?"

RCW: "No. What language do you use?"

ME: "C."

RCW: "Huh?"

ME: "C."

RCW: "What's that?"

ME: "It's a programming language."

RCW: "What does it stand for?"

ME: "Huh?"

RCW: "There's COBOL, but what does C stand for?"

ME: "Nothing. That's the name of the language. Just C."

RCW: "Rubbish. Why use it?"

ME: "Well, the interface between C and UNIX is so ..."

RCW: "You don't need an interface. You only need that when one computer's
connected to another!"

ME: (sigh)

RCW: "What?"

ME: "Nothing ... how much RAM does the system have."


ME: "Random access memory."

RCW: "Oh, we don't use that!"

ME: "Huh?"

RCW: "That's such an old-fashioned term. We use megabytes!"

ME: "All right, how many megabytes of RAM does the system have?"

RCW: "It's not called RAM. Why be so old-fashioned? It's just megabytes!"

ME: "That's like renaming the Niagara Falls as '200 Megalitres Falls'."

RCW: "Don't be silly."

ME (wandering off in search of a stiff drink): "SIGH!"

RCW (to host): "I thought you said he used computers. He doesn't know what
he's talking about!"

(I'm sure the above TRUE story could explain a great deal about something or
other if only I could work out what it was!!)

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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