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Nose jokes from "Roxanne"

brett@hpsrbkc.UUCP (Brett K. Carver)

                       "Twenty (sic.) Something Betters" 
                From the movie "Roxanne," starring Steve Martin. 
                 Edited from tape by Brett & Lorre Anne Carver. 

1. Obvious: Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face. 2. Meteorological: Everybody take cover. She's going to blow. 3. Fashionable: You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger. Like ... Wyoming. 4. Personal: Well, here we are. Just the three of us. 5. Punctual: Alright gentlemen. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen minutes late. 6. Envious: Oooo, I wish I were you. Gosh. To be able to smell your own ear. 7. Naughty: Pardon me, Sir. Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away. 8. Philosophical: You know. It's not the size of a nose thats important. It's what's in it that matters. 9. Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze and its goodbye Seattle. 10. Commercial: Hi, I'm Earl Schibe and I can paint that nose for $39.95. 11. Polite: Ah. Would you mind not bobbing your head. The orchestra keeps changing tempo. 12. Melodic: Everybody! "He's got the whole world in his nose." 13. Sympathetic: Oh, What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God? 14. Complememtary: You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on. 15. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides. 16. Obscure: Oh, I'd hate to see the grindstone. 17. Inquiry: When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid? 18. French: Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave. 19. Pornographic: Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once. 20. Religious: The Lord giveth and He just kept on giving, didn't He. 21. Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair. 22. Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine! 23. Aromatic: It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee ... in Brazil. 24. Appreciative: Oooo, how original. Most people just have their teeth capped. 25. Dirty: Your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?

Brett Carver hpnmd!brett

[Ed: This does not constitute copyright violation because A) it's a short excerpt, and B) this list itself is a modified version of the one from the play "Cyrano De Bergerac." In any event, if you haven't, do go see Roxanne, and Cyrano as well. ]

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