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One morning, President Reagan woke up to a beautiful snowy noon. He looked out of his window upon the snow-covered White House lawn and marveled at its beauty. Then he noticed something. Yellow lines in the snow. On further investigation, our President realized that the lines spelled out "Reagan Sucks" in urine. Furious, he called the Washington, DC police and demanded to know who had inscribed these blasphemous words on his lawn. After a lengthy investigation, the police found no clues.

Later that afternoon, after a brief snowfall, the president awoke again to find the same words once more decorating the new-fallen snow. This time, President Ron called the FBI and ordered them to find out who was responsible. The FBI too mounted a massive investigation, but were only able to determine that no intruder had access to the White House lawn and therefore the perpetrator had to be someone on his own staff.

When the next day, the same insults were discovered on a new blanket of snow, Old Ron decided to leave no stone unturned. He asked the entire US military to get to the bottom of this conspiracy. By dinnertime, the Secretary of Defense had some bad news for Mr. Reagan.

"I'm afraid," he said, "that the urine sample come from none other than the Secretary of State, George Schultz."

"This is terrible," said the president.

"I'm afraid I have more bad news," said the secretary.

"What could be worse," said Reagan, "than finding out that George, the only member of my administration not to be involved in a scandal, is involved in this conspiracy?"

"Well, you see Mr. President, it was written in Nancy's handwriting."

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