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We must, we must, we must improve... (William Chuang)
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
(rec_humor_cull, heard it, chuckle, sexual)

Once there was this woman, who was, sad to say, very flat across the upper body. Year after year of seeing beautiful, large-breasted women walking away with handsome guys finally got to her. She decided that she would have large tits at any cost.

At first she went to a breast treatment center and asked for larger breasts. After several weeks, despite all the injections and fillers they had given her, her breasts were no larger. She despaired. She went everywhere, but everything she tried came to no avail.

So she went home and cried and prayed for larger tits. After several days of this, during one praying session, there was this sudden poof, and her fairy godmother appeared before her.

"Well, dearie, you want larger tits, do you?"

"Oh yes, oh yes, please fairy godmother, give me bigger tits. I beg you," the woman implored.

"Okay, okay, calm down. I'll do it, if you promise to stop bothering me. Promise?" the fairy godmother asked.

"Yes, I promise!"

"Okay, then. Shish, swoosh, swash, liffiday-loffiday, balsshac, boom! There. Now, dearie, whenever anyone says `pardon' to you, your tits will grow one inch. Fine? Bye, dearie."

And with a flash and the smell of burnt hair, the fairy godmother left.

Of course, the lady wanted to try out her godmother's spell immediately. She then ran out of her apartment and seeing some unlucky passerby, collided with him and promptly fell to the ground.

"Oh, pardon me. I'm so sorry, are you alright?"

Zzzzuuuuummmpp! Her tits bulged forward an inch. "No, I'm fine," she laughed, as she ran back into her apartment. She inspected her breasts. Oh, they were actually one inch larger; in fact, exactly one inch. She decided to try again the next day.

At work, the following morning, she contrived to bump the manager and spill her coffee into her lap.

"Pardon me! Here, let me help clean you up," the manager said. Zzzzuuuummmpp! Her tits jumped forward another inch. "Oohhh, I'll clean up myself." She ran into the women's bathroom and gleefully examined her breasts. Two inches! "I've got to celebrate."

That night, she went to a posh Chinese restaurant. "Aahh, I'll treat myself to the best. After all, I could easily beat out Dolly Parton by tomorrow. I'll be famous!" As she sat there, a waiter passed by, carrying an armful of aromatic dishes. She stretched, delighting in the feel of her newfound breasts, ... and her arm banged into the waiters midsection.

The waiter fell with an audible "Ooofff!!!" sending dishes and sauces all over her. Groveling, the waiter said to the lady, "A thousand pardons..."

William Chuang

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