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For each and every action. (Bryan Wolf)
University of Nevada Reno

{ed  To appreciate this, you need to have read a bit of the vast debate
  going on in the political groups about Brian Wilson, who placed
  himself in front of a moving train for political reasons, and was
  dismembered for newtonian ones. }

   Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, and welcome to the CUS 6:00 Oldnews.
Our top story this evening is the controversy surrounding (and suffocating)
the case of Brian Willson vs. Train.  While the actual event happened eons 
ago, it has sparked a great controversy.  The net has divided into 3 factions:

1) The Wills, who stand by (or for, or whatever) Willson.  It is not known
   whether this stands for "Willson" or symbolizes the hazards involved.

2) The Inertians, who support the train (or back it up.. or forwards, or 
   whatever).  Whether this stands for "inert" or "inertia" is still unknown.

3) The Recs, who read Rec.humor for fun.  These people don't really care who
   invoked the Trunc function on whom.  This may represent their involvement
   the net, or the mental state this issue has put them in.

   Our story starts a long, long time ago, in a state far away.  An activist,
Brian Willson was dissattisfied with the government.  He had apparently seen
David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear and (Thank God) reappear.
Willson tried to do the same with a train carrying 40 some odd tons of nukes
(for those of you who don't know, that's enough radiation to make 17 million
glow-in-the-dark He-Ra posters).  Willson however, didn't officially schedule a 
prime-time time slot for his feat (no pun intended) and, therefore, failed.
He maintains that, while meditating in the Locus position, someone disturbed
his train of thought.  He and the Loco met briefly, then Willson parted.

   A lawsuit ensued and soon, the everyone who thought they were anyone had
put their two cents in.  At last count, net had accumulated enough two-cent 
opinions to buy Willson an extra-large Hershey's bar.  The Wills denounced the
engineers for not derailing in time.  The Inertians got their dandruff up and
cheered for the engineers for sueing Willson.  It's going to cost them an arm
and a leg for the lawyers, so both sides should be on equal ground during the
trial.  The Recs don't care.  The Wills claimed that compared to Hart and 
North, Willson was a hero.  They have yet to compare Brian Willson to a real
hero, like Spiderman.  The Inertians retaliated saying that Wilson was par-
ylized from the neck up a;ready, so the loss of his legs shouldn't matter.
They failed to mention, however, that Willson has never diverted Federal money
or cheated on his wife (and probably never will, now).  The Recs don't care.
The Wills called the Inertians inhuman.  The Inertians called the Wills
senseless.  The Recs don't care.  Factions fought fire with fire, flaming
when flamed upon.  Neither side shows any sign of burning out.  Pyrotechnic
experts predict that the Bic-ering will die out when flamers have to resort
to looking up words in the dictionary.  Then, the debate will be reduced to
"Oh Yeah?", "Yeah!", "Oh Yeah?", "Yeah!". 

   Meanwhile, the war rages on, and millions of netusers are forced to
dissappoint their children by telling them, "I'm sorry, Timmy.  There were no
jokes in Rec.humor today.  Maybe tomorrow."  And Timmy cries himself to sleep.

   This is Walter Concrete for the CUS 6:00 oldnews.  Thank you and Good Night.

Replies: Flame away, if that's what quacks your duck, but this is a humor
         newsgroup so don't expect anyone to take you seriously (in fact,
         don't expect anyone to take you anywhere).

Jokes for Timmy: Why do <ethnic>s put ice in their condoms?
It keeps the swelling down.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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