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Gary Hart Comes Clean

(sexual, topical, semi-original)

[Ed: This is my own sketch based on the various Gary Hart jokes I got.]

Senator Hart: Thank you for coming, ladies and Gentlemen of the Press. I have called this conference because, after scoring 2 points under Colonel Qadafhi in the latest caucus, I have decided to withdraw from the race. For the first time in this campaign, I have decided to take questions on my personal life.

Reporter A: Senator, do you think you might get back in the race later?

Hart: I think that too much plunging in and pulling out was what got me into trouble in the first place.

Reporter A: No chance at all?

Hart: One case of campaignus interruptus is enough for me.

Reporter B: Senator, how has this whole thing affected your marriage? What do you say to your wife if she talks to you while making love?

Hart: Hi, Lee, how's the weather in Denver?

Reporter C: Mr. Hart, what was your biggest mistake in going out with Donna Rice?

Hart: I should have let Ted Kennedy drive her home.

Reporter D: Is it true that you plan to write a book about the whole affair?

Hart: Yes, it's called "Six Inches From the White House." It will be the greatest political book of this century.

Reporter D: Surely you're exaggerating?

Hart: Ok, perhaps not six inches.

Reporter E: Would the democrats have done better with you than Governor Dukakis?

Hart: I think it's fair to say I could lick Bush better than any of the others.

Reporter F: Senator, could you do a number for us with the band?

Hart: Hit it!

(Donna - music by Richie Valens)

	Oh, Donna.  Oh, Donna 
	Oh, Donna.  Oh, Donna 
	I had a girl, and Donna was her name 
	Since she had me, my career is in shame 
	'Cause I love my girls, but Donna sure did it to me. 
				(She now sells blue jeans.) 

I dared the press to follow me home. Forgetting my dick has a will of its own. 'Cause I love my girls, and Donna your one night cost me the presidency.

Well darling, I never said To wreck my e - lec - tion. I talked of something else, you could do.

I had a girl, and Mary was her name

Offstage: Gary, Gary, they don't know about Mary yet. Hart: Oh.

I had a girl, and Donna's still her name She had a Hart, and ruined my game But I love my girls, and Donna for one night of fun, No nomination.

Oh, Donna, Oh Donna Oh, Donna, Oh Donna Oh, Donna, Oh Donna

Sound: In blackout, play tape of "Hello Mary Lou, Goodbye Heart"

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