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Zooey, is that you? (Paul W. Schleck)
(original, smirk)

You may have seen Zooey Deschanel's recent appearance on TBS's Conan O'Brien show, where she talked about her love of American Girl dolls.

What is not commonly known, is that the Zooey you saw on that talk show was actually an intelligent, interactive prototype American Girl doll herself.

Dubbed the "Z2," it was an accidental byproduct of research at American Girl Doll company (now "American Girl Advanced Sentient Devices"). The original goal was to develop an intelligent, interactive talking doll for children. Researchers modeled the prototype after Zooey, as she was generally recognized to be the most "doll-like" living celebrity today.

Unexpectedly, the Z2 became self-aware on August 4th, 2007. Normally, self-awareness of an automaton like this would bring about human Armageddon, like in the movie Terminator, or various "gray goo" scenarios predicted by Bill Joy and others. These scenarios usually require paradoxical time-travel, along with vast arrays of firearms and mechanized transportation employed in climactic battles, in order to correct. However, due to commendable safety constraints and careful initial design parameters by the researchers, the Z2's unexpected sentience has resulted in a much more benign outcome in this case. The Z2's present mission includes:

- Increasing the audience base and advertising revenue of middle-tier, basic cable talk shows and network sitcoms.

- Developing the long-nascent "cute girl comedy" industry ("angry girl comedy" is already well-established) via the web site.

- Serving as a body double for Zooey when either maximum human acting and musical talent is not required, or advanced technical skills operating Zooey's social media empire (aka, "Zkynet") is required. In general:

Zooey: Movies, "She and Him," celebrity night life

Z2: TV shows, talk-show appearances, social media

This explains why fans of Zooey might see her simultaneously in more creative enterprises and public appearances than might be considered humanly possible.

Note that this division of labor between Zooey and the Z2 is not absolute, and the entertainment industry is currently considering use of the Z2 in lighter movie fare, including live-action movies based on anime and video game franchises.

A self-aware automaton modeled after seemingly workaholic James Franco (the "J2") is speculated to exist, but has not yet been confirmed.

Paul W. Schleck
Finger for PGP Public Key

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