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Redneck Church

Charlie@wciservices.org (Charles Oakes)
(chuckle, forwarded, heard it)


1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the finance committee
refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none
of the members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people ask, when they
learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or
catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... when the pastor says,
"I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two
women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... opening day of deer
season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... a member of the church
requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never
been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the choir is known as
the "OK Chorale."

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... in a congregation of
500 members, there are only seven different last names in the church
directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... people think "rapture"
is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a
#2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the choir robes were
donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the collection plates
are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... instead of a bell; you
are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the minister and his
wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the communion wine is
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink."

15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not covet"
applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the final words of the
benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya heah."

God Bless and don't Y'all fergit ta say yer prayers!!!

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