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3l1t3 0v3rCl0cK3rz Gu1Ld (Aaron Engelhart)
(chuckle, computers)

Raleigh, NC--When Joe Celery upgraded his home computer system, he ended up with a machine that was hotter than he bargained for.

Joe Celery was a member of an elite group of computer enthusiasts that call themselves the "3l1t3 0v3rCl0cK3rz Gu1Ld." The group's focus is a technique called "overclocking," which is a technical term for running a system faster than it is rated. Some overclockers do it to save money, but many, like Joe Celery, overclock for fame.

"I started out with a [Intel Corp. Celeron(tm)] 450A [300A processor overclocked to 450MHz," Mr. Celery stated in an exclusive interview from his hospital ward. "Sure, it ran Quake II real fast, but that wasn't enough. So then I tried watercooling."

Using approximately $500 worth of supplies, including copper tubing and a small air conditioner, he managed to get his computer to run as fast as one with a Pentium II chip that cost almost $300 more than his Celeron(tm) processor. It would process millions of instructions per second for as long as an hour before crashing.

He continued, "it was an incredible success. But I just wasn't satisfied. I wanted more." His next exploit involved a stack of Peltier cooling elements, flat devices that electrically transfer heat from one surface to another. The Peltier elements allowed him to crank his watercooling setup another 10%, to match the performance of a Pentium II chip costing $500 more than a stock Celeron. It used only $300 worth of Peltier elements, as well as the original watercooling apparatus.

Celery was markedly silent on how, exactly, he ended up in the hospital. After half an hour of prodding, he finally admitted what his latest creation was: "I tried to cool my system with hydrogen gas. It worked, until my hard drive spun up."

The resultant explosion caused approximately $15,000 worth of damage to Celery's neighbors' homes, notwithstanding the destruction of his own home. Analysts estimate the amount of damage was greater than the damage possible if a Pentium III Xeon chip costing $1000 more than Joe Celery's Celeron(tm) chip was used.

Celery left us with this final comment: "my next computer is going to be a Macintosh."

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