It seems this guy had been experimenting with an unusual method of seeking autoerotic gratification; namely, inserting a live fish into his anus. What he hadn't counted on was the fish's scales acting, in effect, like one of those sets of driveway spikes that allow you to drive over them one way but puncture your tires if you try to go the other way. In his pain and panic, he dialed 9-1-1. The EMT arrives, surveys the situation, and tells the guy:
"Son, you gotta learn to chew your food better."
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