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Mr. Glenn (Charles Keith)
San Diego Electronic Design Productivity Group
(topical, smirk, original)

(AP) So Mr. Glenn, tell us about your upcoming flight.

(Glenn) When I was young, they didn't have no Speece Shuttle. We had rockets made of cast iron, with fuming acid and nitroglycerin for fuel. They would blow up for no reason most of the time, but we liked them.

And we didn't have no navigation computers. If it couldn't be worked out on a pocket sliderule, it wasn't worth calculating. We only flew by the seat of the pants. That's why we always landed in the Atlantic Ocean. Our navigation was good enough we never hit the Pacific by mistake. Automated flight controls, my eye. You haven't felt anything until you climb on top of one of those babies and punch the gas.

And we didn't have no shirtsleeve atmosphere. They just fed vapor from the rocket fuel directly into our space suits. And attitude adjustment was something that was done on the ground, before you blasted off.

In my time, we didn't have no La-Z-Boy reclining chairs for liftoff. There were no elevators to the top of the missile, either. You just lit the fuse, climbed a rope ladder to the top, climbed into a 50 gallon drum, sat on a milking stool, bolted on the hatch, and waited for the ride. It was dangerous, cramped, noisy and uncomfortable, but it was our only space program and we LIKED IT.

(AP) Thank you, Mr. Glenn.

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