What follows are the latest entries in the one-liner file. These are jokes which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately. I post such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it. Particularly selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (George R. Neil) Subject: Metric Conversion Question of the day: Does it take 500,000 parapsychologists to treat one megalomaniac? = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Jonathan M. Richardson) Subject: New name for LAX I heard that they will be renaming the Los Angeles National Airport, now commonly called LAX... ..so now will it be called ex-LAX? (Heard today on NPR) = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Jacob Butcher) Subject: blonde joke Q: How do you send a blonde to college? A: Clairol. [by Paul Dworkin, submitted with his permission.] = = = = = = = From: Toximan@aol.com (Toximan) Organization: AOL (http://www.aol.com) Subject: Too True!!! From a poster on my Doctor's wall.... "Nothing is impossible to the man who does not have to do it himself!" = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (cwolfe) Subject: Mir spaceship [Heard on the 11:00 news] The Russian space station Mir is so old that our report says the latest trouble is with the 8 track player. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Tim Miller) Subject: Cocktail names ... A woman walks into a Cocktail Bar. She says to the Barman, "I'll have a Double Entendre please." So he gives her one. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Carrie A Schutrick) Subject: C Programmer's Pickup Line This just occured to me, apropos of nothing. What a male C programmer says to the woman he's trying to pick up: "Hey, baby, I'm a library. Wanna #include me?" = = = = = = = Organization: AOL (http://www.aol.com) From: Airsurf696@aol.com (Airsurf696) Subject: A wink and a nod How do you make a Government Worker wink? Get them to open one eye. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Todd Megee) Organization: Datasync Internet Subject: DayCare How do you know Daycare is no longer worth it? When you see a drop-box. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Dean Edmonds) Organization: Alias Wavefront Subject: Another day's work down the toilet! It is interesting to note that before the advent of Microsoft Windows, `GPF' was better known for its usage in plumbing: Gallons Per Flush = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Tom Sullivan) Subject: An idea ahead of its time My friend Jim, who always full of "interesting" ideas, has a new way to make millions. He wants to make a Tamigochi (sp?) emulator for PC's so people can have virtual virtual pets. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (-=JR=-) Subject: Orange What is orange and sleeps four? A CalTrans truck (CalTrans is the California Transit Authority - the guys who lean on shovels in the middle of traffic) = = = = = = = From: Scott.Dickson@East.Sun.COM (Scott Dickson - SE - Atlanta Commercial District) Subject: New translation for the Business Traveller Overheard at work: Coworker 1: So, where are you staying? Coworker 2: La Quinta Inn. Coworker 1: La Quinta? Isn't that Spanish for "Next to Denny's"? = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (undine) Subject: Starship Nazis The funniest thing I've read in ages was a line in the Village Voice where someone refered to STARSHIP TROOPERS as "TRIUMPH OF THE WILL 90210." = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Bruce Harper) Subject: Send in the Clones Heard on Thursday morning on the "Breakfast Club" on Q-99 FM in Roanoke, Virginia (from a caller to the show): "If cloning scientists work with figure skaters Dorothy Hammil or Nancy Kerrigen, the result will be an ice queen clone." = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (\yvind M|ll) Subject: Bark? - What kind of a dog says: "bofh! bofh!" ? - A rootweiler. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Laura A. Geiger PsyD) Subject: "Handling" Your Love Life Reported by a friend of mine, overheard at work: A woman was lamenting her lack of love life during '97. A male friend quipped back, "Sex is like going to the gas station. Sometimes you get full service, and sometimes you have to go to self-serve." = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (The Ellis Family) Subject: Golden Gate Bridge Pedestrian Toll San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge is considering imposing a $1 toll for pedestrians. Those planning to jump from mid-span would pay 50 cents. Andrew Ellis email@example.com Organization: Stanford University From: firstname.lastname@example.org (David Selkirk Wilson) Subject: Bad version number (original) The free version of Netscape that I just downloaded was "Communicator 4.04". Isn't "404" an inherently bad number for a web browser? = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Rick Landau) Subject: (from Bill Maher) On rehab. (From an old Bill Maher tape. Still seems appropriate.) He was commenting on the decadence and depravity of many people in the entertainment biz. "I think that Liz Taylor has been in Betty Ford more often than Gerald has." = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Timothy E. Vaughan) Subject: Flaky Heard on a radio commercial for a local ski resort: With our powerful snow-making machines, we've got more flakes than the Jerry Springer show! = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Leon Moser) Subject: The doctor is in My friend was bemoaning how he had lost his web browser's bookmarks so I told him he should see a doctor. He responded, "A URLologist?" = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Timothy P. Spila) Subject: Motorcycle humor... From the Feb 1998 edition of Esquire magazine: Motorcyclists, even Irish ones, do not want to hear "May the road rise up to meet you." = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (DRoark5256) Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Subject: railroad conductor joke Do you know how a railroad passenger conductor makes love? He takes off his clothes rolls over on his back and hollars all aboard-- If no one climbs on, he goes off with out them. ( retired rail road conductor)( North west territory) Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com From: firstname.lastname@example.org (DRoark5256) Subject: railroad conductor joke Do you know how a railroad passenger conductor makes love? He takes off his clothes rolls over on his back and hollars all aboard-- If no one climbs on, he goes off with out them. ( retired rail road conductor)(North west territory) = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Frank (Giff) Gifford) Subject: Still Life I see Christopher Reeve has an autobiography out, but I think they forgot the colon in the title: "Still: Me" = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Kurtis Araki) Subject: What's that procedure called again? (I heard this from a friend over the weekend) Q: In the world of sex change operations, what is the scientific name of the procedure to change a woman to a man? A: Addadictomy = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Vikram Adukia) Subject: your buttons Heard this one a while ago: Q. Why are your parents so good at pushing your buttons? A. They installed them. = = = = = = = From: TonyLima@ms.spacebbs.com (Tony Lima) Organization: Nope, none Subject: I'm sorry "The one I feel sorry for is Hillary. She's heard "I'm sorry" more times than Pauly Shore on Celebrity Jeopardy." - Dennis Miller on the Today show, June 15. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Tom Mackey) Subject: If you've got the name... Have you heard that the Upjohn company is demanding all rights to Viagra? = = = = = = = From: email@example.com Subject: NO SUBJECT PROVIDED heard from a friend of a friend... Do you know what the generic name for Viagra is? Mycoxafillin = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Neil Page) Subject: Sense of reality (To the best of my knowledge this is 100% original) What is the difference between wrestling & soap operas? Wrestling fans know they're watching a storyline.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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