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What to do if other cinema-goers won't shut up... (Tom Jordaan)
(chuckle, true)

[The following is an article which appeared in, posted by Mike Boelter ( It appears here with his permission - ed.]

My favorite comeuppance was when I went to see 'Alien' (Yes the first one and I am that old.) I had read the Allen Dean Foster script adaptation so I knew in the broad outline what was going to be happening. Not that it did a whole lot of good with Ridley Scott, man but he can shoot a movie and get all those little details in there.

I mean during the opening of the movie, the crew is in hibernation and the camera pans about the ship. On the Flight deck before the Captains Console in tha space between keyboard and screen, where company regs just have to forbid its prescence, is a coffee cup. People are people in all of space and time, but I digress.

Theater is crowded, two seats in front of me are vacant and 15 - 20 minutes into the flick two blonde airheads come in and sit down in front of me. Jabber, jabber, jabber - Oh my what is happening now? - jabber, jabber, jabber. (If you shut up and watched the movie, you'd know what is going on and why I think to myself.)

Movie progresses, jabber, jabber, jabber. The Facehugger is off the guys face and the crew are searching the ship for it. Ripley is checking out the Sick Bay (and I know the damn thing lands on her.) I lean forward and as the face hugger falls on Ripley's right shoulder I grab each of the girls before me by the same shoulder and hiss to them to "Shut the F*** up!" The sound of this is drowned out by the screams in the theater as the Face Hugger lands on Ripley.

The two airheads are sitting in front of me totally stiff and rigid not moving, not talking. About five minutes go by and one leans to the others ear, wishpers and they get up and leave. I give a sigh of relief.

A few minutes later two pepople come down the aisle and discover two empty seats. They move in front of me and go to sit down and one of them touches the seat behind them. "Oh we can't sit here. Someone must have spilled a Coke on the seat earlier today." It was all I coud do to keep from busting up as I realized what must have happened.

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