We propose the following extensions to the current version of Latex. We anticipate that it will help many struggling scientists who agonize over the correct formatting of their scientific papers.
The generic wave command : this is used to simulate waving various objects in your documents.
For example, a difficult proof for a theorem can be effectively finished with a wave<-- UnknownF >hand--> command.
A criticism of someone who caught errors in your previous papers can be made scathing with the wave<-- UnknownF >finger--> command.
We also recommend that all papers finish with a friendly wave<-- UnknownF >bye--> command,
This powerful extension allows the scientist to justify research of dubious value with a set of names chosen from an extensive database. The database consists of names such as Don Knuth, Alan Turing, Andrew Wiles , Einstein. The database also contains a list of all the papers that these illustrious scientists have written. namedrop chooses a random paper corresponding to the name chosen.
We realize that namedrop has a severe limitation. After all, an unproven and outrageous claim cannot always be attributed to the name of a living (or recently dead) person. There are people who actually cross check all references - no, really ! To obviate this difficulty, we propose the all powerful namedrop<-- UnknownF >God--> command.
The citation at the end of the paper becomes
 God, personal communication.
There are options on choosing Gods from a variety of religions. <-- UnknownF >namedrop<-- UnknownF >God<-- UnknownF >Vishnu-->-->--> The only drawback in using this option is that one can only cite Gods from one religion in a paper. For some inexplicable reason, Latex does not work if we allow the multiple religion option.
Following Seinfeld, we also have a yada-yada command which substitutes randomly chosen text (from a database) to fill up several pages. We do not recommend that this option is used to fill up the whole paper as that may look suspicious. If one needs to do that, we strongly recommend that the namedrop<-- UnknownF >God--> option and the powerful wave<-- UnknownF >knife--> option be used liberally at the beginning of the paper. Currently, we only have Kitty Kelly's masterpiece "Jackie Oh!" in our database.
This option allows the user to include graphs that simulate actual statistical experiments into the paper. The graph usually have the following characteristic: there is one best case line and one worst case line. There are options to refer to others' experiments for the worst case. This is a powerful tool to criticize your colleagues work with scientific proof and not just words.
We are excited about bringing these tools in front of the scientific community. Please send us your responses (firstname.lastname@example.org) about further additions to the list.
(joint work with Chris)