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Fox Paws (Faux Pas) (John P. Ring)
(original, smirk)

My coworkers and I collected the following at the Language Training and Testing Center in Taipei, Taiwan.

The following are actual sentences from compositions and tests. They were written by students of English as a second language (ESL students) at a large language school in Taipei, Taiwan. The teachers at this school put them up on a poster-sized piece of paper labeled "Fox Paws" (Faux pas).

1. My major was pubic relations.
2. My house is in hell, near the ocean. (on a hill...)
3. When I was younger, I was an only child, so I would play with myself.
4. During that time, many people suffered from being dead.
5. What's your apartment like? It's like a box.
6. My friend had a car accident, he was in the garage for a week.
7. At midnight, I and my cousin went out to fire crackers.
8. My classmate didn't eat at that place because he is a vegetable.
9. After that, I would travel around the world to develop my eyesight.
10. Penalties are not strict enough; therefore, large people don't abide
by traffic rules. (large people = adults)
11. Bees buzz, birds chirp, and humankind sins. (sings...)
12. In her spare time, she likes to look at navels. (read novels)
13. (from a high level class) She had gone to graduate school, but she dared
not to face her rival--a tall, beautiful, uneducated whore.
14. Holding a glass of wine, I stripped and poured the wine on a gentleman.
15. (to a host) Thanks for your dinner. You must get in a lot of trouble.
(You must have gone to a lot of trouble.)
16. He was late because he fell into the jam. (got caught in a traffic jam)
17. Q: When was the last time you received a present, and what was it?
A1: I got to watch for my last birthday.
A2: I saw the last president in 1992. He was dead.
18. I am a housewife with two sons, aged 9 and 67.
19. My name is Sharon. I am a house.
20. (re: going to a restaurant) I'm going to a restaurant. Do you want to
enjoy me? (join me)
21. Neither the blind nor the dogs would like being taken apart. (separated)
22. One night, I went to somnambulate at home...

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