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New software system
(chuckle, sexual)

The purpose of this memo is to announce the development of a new plant 
wide software system. We are currently building a data warehouse that 
will contain all plant manufacturing data. The program is referred to 
as the "Manufacturing Information Access Software System" (MIASS).

Next Monday at 0900 there will be a meeting in which I will display 
MIASS. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so 
that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at 
MIASS. As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have 
not addressed the networking aspects yet, so currently only one person 
can be in MIASS at a time. This should change as MIASS expands.

Several people are using the program already and have come to depend on 
it. Just this morning, I walked into a subordinate's office and was not
surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MIASS. I've noticed, 
though, that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid 

Just last week, when asked to enter some information into the program, 
I had a secretary say to me, "I'm nervous; I've never put anything in 
MIASS before."  I volunteered to help her through her first time, and 
when we were done she admitted that it was relatively painless and 
that she was actually looking forward to doing it again.  She went so 
far as to say that after using SAP and Oracle, she was ready to kiss MIASS.

I know that there are some concerns over the virus that was found in 
MIASS upon initial installation, but I am pleased to say that the 
virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MIASS. In the 
future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MIASS.

We planned this database to encompass all information associated with 
business, so as you begin using the program, feel free to put anything 
you want into MIASS. As MIASS grows larger, we envision a time when it 
will be commonplace to walk by an office and see a manager hand a 
paper to an employee and say, "Here, stick this in MIASS.

The program has already demonstrated great benefit to the company 
during recent OSHA, ISO, EPA and FDA audits. After requesting certain 
historical data, the agency representatives were amazed at how quickly 
we provided the information. When asked how the numbers could be 
retrieved so rapidly, our Environmental Manager proudly stated, 
"Simple -- I just pulled them out of MIASS."

[Another one that's making the rounds . . .]

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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