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Not so useful, but often used Assembly Code (R. J. Woodward)
(chuckle, computers)

Assembler programs are written with short abbreviations called MNEMONICS, in other words instead of writing GOTO, the programmer writes JMP or even BRA (branch). These instructions are frequently abbreviated into total incomprehensibility.

Of course, we all know that abbreviations are arbitrary. Anyone who has spent any time programming in assembler knows that all computers can be programmed using an undocumented set of instructions. Frequently when an error is made writing a program in assembler a user can actually see the program executing the undocumented instructions.

These instructions vary from machine from machine, but all computers have a certain set of them in common. As a service to humanity, I am here revealing these common instructions for the first time.

ARG 	: Agree to Run Garbage 
BDM 	: Branch and Destroy Memory 
CMN 	: Convert to Mayan Numerals 
DDS 	: Damage Disk and Stop 
EMR 	: Emit Microwave Radiation 
ETO 	: Emulate Toaster Oven 
FSE 	: Fake Serious Error 
GSI 	: Garble Subsequent Instructions 
GQS 	: Go Quarter Speed 
HEM 	: Hide Evidence of Malfunction 
IDD 	: Inhale Dust and Die 
IKI 	: Ignore Keyboard Input 
IMU 	: Irradiate and Mutate User 
JPF 	: Jam Paper Feed 
JUM 	: Jeer at Users Mistake 
KFP 	: Kindle Fire in Printer 
LNM 	: Launch Nuclear Missiles 
MAW 	: Make Aggravating Whine 
NNI 	: Neglect Next Instruction 
OBU 	: Overheat and Burn if Unattended 
PNG 	: Pass Noxious Gas 
QWF 	: Quit Working Forever 
QVC 	: Question Valid Command 
RWD 	: Read Wrong Device 
SCE 	: Simulate Correct Execution 
SDJ 	: Send Data to Japan 
TTC 	: Tangle Tape and Crash 
UBC 	: Use Bad Chip 
VDP 	: Violate Design Parameters 
VMB 	: Verify and Make Bad 
WAF 	: Warn After Fact 
XID 	: eXchange Instruction with Data 
YII 	: Yield to Irresistible Impulse 
ZAM 	: Zero All Memory 
PI  	: Punch Invalid 
POPI    : Punch Operator Immediately 
RASC    : Read And Shred Card 
RPM     : Read Programmers Mind 
RSSC    : Reduce Speed, Step Carefully  (for improved accuracy) 
RTAB    : Rewind Tape and Break 
RWDSK   : ReWind DiSK 
SPSW    : Scramble Program Status Word 
SRSD    : Seek Record and Scar Disk 
WBT     : Water Binary Tree 

[My assembly professor gave this to us yesterday in her "Intro to Assembly" lecture]

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