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You might be a cop if... (Jim Carter)
(smirk, long)

Based on "You might be a nurse it..."

o You have the bladder capacity of five people.
o You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual
o You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm.
o Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
o You call for a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly
    toward you.
o Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly
  normal to you.
o You can identify a negative "teeth to tattoo" ratio just by
  looking at a person.
o You find humour in other people's stupidity.
o You believe in the aerial spraying of prozac.
o You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
o You have your weekends off planned for a year.
o Your idea of comforting a child is to place him in a papoose
o You call for a "wants and registered owner" on personalized licence
   plate STOLEN.
o You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be grounds for
o You believe the government should require a permit to
o You plan what you're going to have for dinner while loading
  your sidearm.
o You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone
  says, "Boy, it sure is quiet around here."
o You refer to your night-stick as a "dork slayer".
o Your diet consists of food that has gone through more
  processing than a computer can track.
o You believe chocolate is a food group.
o When someone calls you a prick, you take it as a compliment.
o You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled
  "Suicide...getting it right the first time."
o You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid
o You have ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin
  laughing uncontrollably.
o You have ever replied "yes" when someone calls asking, "Is my
  husband (father, etc.) there?"
o You have ever wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to a
  particular local bar.
o You believe the dispatcher is a shit magnet who is possessed
  by a demon.
o Your favourite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
o You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
o You have heard the Sergeant muttering down the hall, "Who's in
  charge of this mess anyway?"
o When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food
o You believe that the cells should be provided with a valium
o Your prisoner states, "I have no idea how that got there".
o It occurs to you suddenly one night that you are policing the
  Twilight Zone.
o You believe anyone who says, "I only had two or three beers" is
  going to blow over 150.
o You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people
o You are told to deliver a human jaw in a jar, and you find
  yourself talking to it, there on the seat beside you.
o You believe it's not a good death unless it involves overtime.
o You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by
o You walk into places and people think it high comedy to seize a
  co-worker and shout, "They've come to get you Bill or Fred or
  Burt or...whoever".
o You have difficulty differentiating between counsel and client.
o You do not see daylight from November to May.
o People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and
  think they're being hugely funny and original.
o You believe in involuntary sterilization.
o You believe office meetings are always called at the end of
  YOUR shift!

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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