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Net Girls (Dave Hemming)

A friend of mine subscribed to MSN and was soon regaling me with tales of
the net.harem he had amassed in one of their adult chatrooms (apparently
because a) he's English and b) he was prepared to talk first before
cybersex). I felt it only fair to warn him of the true perils...

ObDisclaimer: Meant only in fun - I've met women I've spoken to via the Net
and they're very nice, honest!

What She Says				What She Means
-------------				--------------
I'm blonde				I'm an albino.

Dark Haired				covering my entire body.

fair skinned				I haven't seen natural light
					since 1986.

Tanned					Leathery.

good complexion				What's visible between
					the zits.

Slim					anorexic.

Curvy					I have to ride the lift
					alone for safety reasons.

Voluptuous				Remember Jabba the Hutt?

I'm an outdoors person			I work on a roadcrew, and all
					the guys are scared of me.

I have an active social life		I have an active fantasy life.

Here is my picture			I will look like this woman
					as soon as I lose 150 lbs 
					and have extensive cosmetic

I love your English accent		Somebody is talking to me!

You're cute				You're a male primate. I'm
					not picky.

I love how you really understand	I love how gullible you are.

I'd love to meet you			Somewhere reeeally dark.

[Note - he left one off - ed.]

Hi, I'm Misty				Hi, I'm Chuck

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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