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Heaven's Gate Digest (Funny Guy)
(smirk to chuckle, sexual, heard it, sick)

I've digested the "lesser" jokes regarding the Heaven's Gate mass suicide
(although some are pretty funny one-liners).  These are jokes which are funny,
but which didn't really warrant posting separately. Particularly selective
readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to killfile RHF
jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed.

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Nick Simicich)
Subject: Will the last one to die please turn off the computer?

The Miami Herald copied Heaven's Gate's web pages to their site before it
was taken down yesterday, and they are advertising them heavily today.

The first thing that occurred to me was that this was clearly a copyright
violation.  Then again, it may not matter: I don't think that there is
anyone left to file a suit..... 

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From: (Edson Freeman)
Subject: Suicide and Unix

Original by my roommate, Dana Hudson.  Of course somebody else may have
beaten her to it...

After reading that several of the 39 suicide victims in San Diego had
been castrated, my roommate responded,  "so they were 'eunuchs'

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From: (H. Ian Novack)
Organization: Applied Automation Techniques, Inc.
Subject: Re: suicide is painless

William Thurmes wrote in rec.humor.funny:
> I've been hearing about the 39 computer programmers who committed mass
> suicide, and I keep thinking -- "hard disk crash".

I don't know. Since they were Web designers, I figured that the 39
actually became 404.

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Carlo Graziani)
Subject: Who knew Buckaroo Banzai was a documentary!

This occurred to me yesterday:

[Pep rally at a secret compound in Rancho Santa Fe]

Lizardo: (Shouts) Where are we going?

Followers: Hale-Bopp!

Lizardo: When are we going?

Followers: Real soon!

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Citizen Poke Magazine)
Organization: Amherst College, Amherst MA, USA
Subject: Cult Freaks' Web Page Rakes in Hits

                     * * * CITIZEN POKE MAGAZINE * * *
                         w w w . c p o k e . c o m

Monday, March 31

A Helpful tip on Internet Promotion

If you really want a to increase the traffic to your
Homepage, get 39 people to kill themselves because of your

And just watch the hits roll in...

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From: (B. F. Schweitzer)
Subject: That mass suicide again

Heard on Politically Incorrect starring Bill Maher, during his monologue
(slightly paraphrased):

We've recently learned that many of the men of the Heaven's Gate suicide
community had been castrated.  Apparently there weren't as many nuts in
that mansion as we originally thought....

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From: (Greg Andrews)
Subject: I don't wanna try it.  Hey, let's get Mikey.

From a signature in a recent Usenet post by

               My Web Design Team went to Hale-Bopp
            And all I got was this lousy pudding recipe

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Mayla Kalrist)
Organization: Wild in the Woods
Subject: Heaven's Gate Joke  topical, sick, heard it
Heard on the Bob and Tom syndicated radio program via Q106 in Lansing,
Q:  Why did all the Heaven's Gate people kill themselves?
A:  So they could keep up with the Jones'!

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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