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More from the One-liner Digest (Funny Guy)
(smirk, swearing, sexual, heard it, offense=almost everyone)

What follows are the latest entries in the one-liner file.  These are jokes
which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately.  I post
such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it.  Particularly
selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to
killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed.

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From: (Claude W. Anderson)
Subject: (Original) Are there any infinite loops in this one?

Bill Clinton announced his plan to re-invent government yesterday.
How will he accomplish this?

It's simple -- He'll use his new Al Gore ithm.

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Subject: The whitehouse favourite music ?

Q: "The president couple's favourite music ?"

A: "Well, I guess it has to be hillbilly !"

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From: (Anthony Baxter)
Subject: UN forces in Somalia

Heard on radio station JJJ's breakfast show this morning:

Whats the difference between the UN forces in Somalia and Teddy Kennedy?
Teddy Kennedy has had one confirmed kill.

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From: (Kenneth A Reek)
Subject: Movie Madness

(original, inspired by a recent r.h.f ballad on the subject)

	Those who claim that seeing things in movies does not affect what
people do in real life may have to reconsider their position:  look at
what Lorena Bobbitt did after seeing "Free Willy"...

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From: (Malor)
Subject: father's day one-liner, original.

	Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day was.  

	"Easy," I answered.  "It's nine months before Mother's Day."

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From: (Brian Wessels, 226-6226)
Subject: Microsoft ads

	Recently I've been seeing lots vague of Microsoft ads on TV, with
the tag line, "Where do you want to go today?"

	My immediate response was, "Chicago.  But I can't get there until

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Subject: New race track in the works

I just heard this one today. Sorry, I have no idea of its roots.

Did you hear that Tanya Harding and Mickael Jackson are building a race track
together? Tanya will take care of the handicapping and Michael will ride the
three year olds.

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From: (Philip Tucker)
Subject: school ties

I`m glad I never went to Brown University.  Brown - what a name!  I went to

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From: (Havoc)
Subject: Real Life?

A quote from my character in an online, multiplayer game:

"Real Life?  I've played that game.  The plot stinks but the
graphics are awesome."

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From: watson@Access.Mountain.Net (Dave Watson)
Subject: Pickle Definition

My Own

Definition: Pickle

A cucumber with a substance abuse problem.

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From: (Andrew Turner)
Subject: Three Old Men!

Greetings all,

Here is a joke (of mild, but clean, humour!) that I heard on a local radio
station here in Palmerston North, New Zealand!  I have no idea where it
originally came from or if you all have heard/seen it before...

1st Old Man:  Gee, its windy today.

2nd Old Man:  No it's not... it's Thursday.

3rd Old Man:  Yeh, me too.  Let's go for a beer.

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From: (Walter Gould)
Organization: Netcom
Subject: The Montana Freemen confirm it . . .

My son informed me tonight . . .

	Ryder, the overwhelming choice of anti-government activists.

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From: (.J.D.)

From Jay Leno: "The CDC in Atlanta Georgia announces that they've found a
cure for MANIC DEPRESSION."   "  I don't know whether to laugh or cry !"

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From: (Michael Newbery)
Subject: A simple Win95 bug fix

One of my staff recently dropped the following into a conversation:

"Oh, I had a problem with Windows 95 but I typed FORMAT C: and it works a
LOT better now."

(When we recovered he went on to say he had installed NetBSD on the drive.)

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Subject: Caveat emptor

What worries me about discount airlines is when boarding a 737 I see a
warning printed on the fuselage, THIS SIDE UP.

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From: (Stephen Jaye)
Organization: Pipeline
Subject: QUICK ONE

From Benny Hill: 
a woman runs into the police station, shouting "Help- I've been graped" 
Desk Sgt.- "Don't you mean raped?" 
Woman- "There were a bunch of them!" 
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From: (Dan Razvan Ghica)
Subject: Jurassic joke

(From Iggy W.)

Q: What is a Tyranosaurus Sex?

A: A big fucking dinosaur.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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