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Latest One-Liner Digest (1/2) (Funny Guy)
(smirk, swearing, sexual, sick, heard it, offense=almost everyone)

[Note - what follows is another issue of the One-Liner Digest.  These jokes
	are typically short jokes which weren't funny enough to warrant posting
	them as separate articles (with apologies to the authors).  They vary
	widely in subject matter, and the Digest therefore may very well offend
	just about everyone at one point or another.  The One-Liner Digest
	appears a few times every year - ed]

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Subject: Gorilla Noses.

So why do Gorillas have big nostrils?

Big Fingers.

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From: (Bryan Walls)
Organization: NASA/MSFC EB72
Subject: Good sign

I've always kind of wondered; do parents of deaf kids who use sign language 
tell their children not to talk with their hands full?

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From: (Christie Hoffman)
Organization: NLC Nebraska
Subject: Van

Seen on bumper sticker on back of broken down, ugly van:
"Don't laugh, I might have your daughter in the back!"

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From: (Peter Cherna)
Subject: Minivans

My wife Lise and I were waiting in line at the local OmniMax theatre,
and we saw a half a dozen young children misbehaving in line, with
only a single adult accompanying them.  My wife said, "That's the
problem with minivans, they allow parents to transport more kids than
they can control."

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From: (Kevan L. Moore)
Subject: flat tax proposal

the kevan l. moore flat tax proposal:
	if a democrat proposes a tax, flatten him.

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From: (Ben E. Cline)
Subject: Seen on Tee

On a college student's t-shirt:

"Stop Plate Tectonics"

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From: (Philip Delaquess)
Subject: family fission

I was camping with some friends recently and we got to talking about
the "family values" craze now current in US politics.

Somebody asked, "Why do you suppose they call them 'nuclear'

I replied, "Because they give off a lot of energy when they split."

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From: (Robert Forsman)
Subject: free communications, true

  For a change I decided to grab a different cereal last time I went
shopping.  Imagine my surprise when I find a Spree instant foncard glued to
the inside of the box.

  The biggest surprise was that America OnLine hadn't thought of it first.

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From: (Tim Patterson)
Subject: Packwood Joke

Heard on the radio whilst driving in Arizona:

"I wonder how Bob Packwood feels now that his seat is up for grabs"

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Subject: Give that girl a quarter!

A friend of mine used the following to describe a co-worker:

"I think someone needs a token for the Clue Bus!"

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (John Anthon Cantera)
Subject: awarded to...

Heared on WSTW, 93.7fm; Wilmington, Delaware

     Did you hear that the California Bar Association presented O.J. 
Simpson an award last week at an annual awards ceremony?  He was 
presented the "Employer of the Year" award.

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Bradley Beacham)
Subject: Joke

Q)  Why do Mormon women stop having children at 34?

A)  Because 35 kids is just too many.

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From: (Sean K. Azarin)
Subject: Personal service

I saw a sign on a carpet store today that said:


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From: (
Organization: Critchlow Associates Limited
Subject: (no subject)

Went bobsleighing yesterday ......killed 40 bobs.

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Eric Miller)
Subject: Not just for breakfast anymore...

Forwarded to me from a friend of mine:
My friend just had a great idea for the first Information Hwy
Netties, The Cereal That Stays Crunchy While You Finish that Post      
        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Laurence D. Merkle)
Subject: Words of advice for modern times (original)

These words of advice have adorned the wall next to my desk
since I finished my last graduate course in "artificial
intelligence."  I was prompted to share them by the recent
parody on People for Ethical Treatment of Software (PETS).

	Don't anthropomorphize computers.
	It wastes your time and annoys the computer.

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
Subject: The Dismal Science

House Majority Leader Dick Armey, a former economics professor, quoted in the
Atlanta Journal-Constitution last week:

Economics is the science of telling you things you have known all your life,
but in a language you can't understand.

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From: (David Tong)
Subject: Roman Shopping.

Did the ancient Romans shop at the VII-XI?

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Rex F Haw)
Organization: iiNet Technologies
Subject: Princess Diana

We hear there's a new movie in production starring Princess Diana and that
rugby player chap, Will Carling....its called "Pokahighness"

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Fred A Anderson)
Subject: #4 Pencil

     Recently, I had a scantron test in AP History. While the teacher was 
passing out the test sheets, a kid said, "Hey, I've got a number four 
pencil! I didn't think these even existed! How can I do the test now?" I 
replied, "Cut it in half."

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From: (Alan Makarchuk)
Organization: Cosmos Network Access Ltd.
Subject: Bassoon joke

What is the difference between a bassoon and an oboe?

You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon.

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From: (Jack Morrison)
Subject: Damned fun

The makers of the "Mortal Kombat" video game are working on a new
educational title: "Where in Hell is Carmen SanDiego?"

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Richard Lighton)
Subject: Reasons for Israeli Military Successes 1967-73

The major contribution to the Israeli Military successes in
the wars of 1967-73 was not any great superiority of Israel's
Defense Forces, or military inferiority of the Egyptian army,
but rather the too strict adherence of Egyptian commanders to
their Soviet advisors' strategy.

Dig in and wait for winter.

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Gary Powell)
Subject: You've got to be kidding

Yesterday I saw someone with a book "C++ For Dummies." He hasn't got a chance.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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