[Note - what follows is another issue of the One-Liner Digest. These jokes are typically short jokes which weren't funny enough to warrant posting them as separate articles (with apologies to the authors). They vary widely in subject matter, and the Digest therefore may very well offend just about everyone at one point or another. The One-Liner Digest appears a few times every year - ed] = = = = = = = From: ABotvinnik@aol.com Subject: Gorilla Noses. So why do Gorillas have big nostrils? Big Fingers. = = = = = = = From: Bryan.Walls@msfc.nasa.gov (Bryan Walls) Organization: NASA/MSFC EB72 Subject: Good sign Original: I've always kind of wondered; do parents of deaf kids who use sign language tell their children not to talk with their hands full? = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Christie Hoffman) Organization: NLC Nebraska Subject: Van Seen on bumper sticker on back of broken down, ugly van: "Don't laugh, I might have your daughter in the back!" = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Peter Cherna) Subject: Minivans My wife Lise and I were waiting in line at the local OmniMax theatre, and we saw a half a dozen young children misbehaving in line, with only a single adult accompanying them. My wife said, "That's the problem with minivans, they allow parents to transport more kids than they can control." = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Kevan L. Moore) Subject: flat tax proposal the kevan l. moore flat tax proposal: if a democrat proposes a tax, flatten him. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Ben E. Cline) Subject: Seen on Tee On a college student's t-shirt: "Stop Plate Tectonics" = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Philip Delaquess) Subject: family fission I was camping with some friends recently and we got to talking about the "family values" craze now current in US politics. Somebody asked, "Why do you suppose they call them 'nuclear' families?" I replied, "Because they give off a lot of energy when they split." = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Robert Forsman) Subject: free communications, true For a change I decided to grab a different cereal last time I went shopping. Imagine my surprise when I find a Spree instant foncard glued to the inside of the box. The biggest surprise was that America OnLine hadn't thought of it first. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Tim Patterson) Subject: Packwood Joke Heard on the radio whilst driving in Arizona: "I wonder how Bob Packwood feels now that his seat is up for grabs" = = = = = = = From: BAKER_R@jhuvms.hcf.jhu.edu Subject: Give that girl a quarter! A friend of mine used the following to describe a co-worker: "I think someone needs a token for the Clue Bus!" = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (John Anthon Cantera) Subject: ...is awarded to... Heared on WSTW, 93.7fm; Wilmington, Delaware Did you hear that the California Bar Association presented O.J. Simpson an award last week at an annual awards ceremony? He was presented the "Employer of the Year" award. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Bradley Beacham) Subject: Joke Q) Why do Mormon women stop having children at 34? A) Because 35 kids is just too many. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Sean K. Azarin) Subject: Personal service I saw a sign on a carpet store today that said: "WE STRIP AND LAY ANYTHING" = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (email@example.com) Organization: Critchlow Associates Limited Subject: (no subject) Went bobsleighing yesterday ......killed 40 bobs. = = = = = = = From: Eric.Miller@bbs.mhv.net (Eric Miller) Subject: Not just for breakfast anymore... Forwarded to me from a friend of mine: My friend just had a great idea for the first Information Hwy SuperCereal: Netties, The Cereal That Stays Crunchy While You Finish that Post = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Laurence D. Merkle) Subject: Words of advice for modern times (original) These words of advice have adorned the wall next to my desk since I finished my last graduate course in "artificial intelligence." I was prompted to share them by the recent parody on People for Ethical Treatment of Software (PETS). Don't anthropomorphize computers. It wastes your time and annoys the computer. = = = = = = = From: BZall@aol.com Subject: The Dismal Science House Majority Leader Dick Armey, a former economics professor, quoted in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution last week: Economics is the science of telling you things you have known all your life, but in a language you can't understand. = = = = = = = From: David.Tong@eng.sun.com (David Tong) Subject: Roman Shopping. Did the ancient Romans shop at the VII-XI? = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Rex F Haw) Organization: iiNet Technologies Subject: Princess Diana We hear there's a new movie in production starring Princess Diana and that rugby player chap, Will Carling....its called "Pokahighness" = = = = = = = From: Fred.Anderson@ummed.edu (Fred A Anderson) Subject: #4 Pencil Recently, I had a scantron test in AP History. While the teacher was passing out the test sheets, a kid said, "Hey, I've got a number four pencil! I didn't think these even existed! How can I do the test now?" I replied, "Cut it in half." = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Alan Makarchuk) Organization: Cosmos Network Access Ltd. Subject: Bassoon joke What is the difference between a bassoon and an oboe? You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Jack Morrison) Subject: Damned fun The makers of the "Mortal Kombat" video game are working on a new educational title: "Where in Hell is Carmen SanDiego?" = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Richard Lighton) Subject: Reasons for Israeli Military Successes 1967-73 The major contribution to the Israeli Military successes in the wars of 1967-73 was not any great superiority of Israel's Defense Forces, or military inferiority of the Egyptian army, but rather the too strict adherence of Egyptian commanders to their Soviet advisors' strategy. Dig in and wait for winter. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Gary Powell) Subject: You've got to be kidding Yesterday I saw someone with a book "C++ For Dummies." He hasn't got a chance. -Gary-
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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