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Herodotean pastiche (Adam Bucky)
(original, smirk, historians)

The following is is original:

This is an answer to the age-old question, "Why did the chicken cross the
road?" in the style of Herodotus (Greek historian, fifth century BC, called
the Father of History, but also the Father of Lies):

>        Another story that is told among the Cimmerians is this, that in
>past times Chickens, and in particular that one Chicken, who was called
>Misgetomenos the son of Aidoion, were wont to cross the Road. I myself,
>however, having seen with my own eyes the Road of the Cimmerians, am
>convinced that the Road is not, and never was, crossable by Chickens, nor
>yet by Misgetomenos.
>        The Road is in appearance wondrous, and unlike any other thing in
>the world. It is a straight, flat band, made of a material that the
>Cimmerians call "asphalt" (which in the Cimmerian language means,
>"asphalt.") It is possessed of two yellow lines, being both in the center
>of the band, such that the center itself is between the yellow lines, and
>is black. As it is wide, dirty, and not seemly in the matter of U-turns, I
>am of the opinion that no Chicken ever crossed it.
>        There are three stories which are told about Misgetomenos the son
>of Aidoion, of which the following is in my opinion the most probable, the
>others being, so it would seem, completely untrue. This is that
>Misgetomenos was not a Chicken at all, but rather a slave who, charged with
>the painting of crosswalks, was called by the name of "Tsicken," which, in
>the Greek language, means "chicken.
>        There is, however, a different tale which is told of the son of
>Aidoion, and this I heard from the Greeks who live in Asia. This I will
>recount, though I do not believe it. This is that Misgetomenos was, in
>fact, a Chicken; further, that he did cross the Road of the Cimmerians,
>simply for this reason: that he might get to the Other Side.

[Note - what can I say?  I had to read Herodotus too - ed.]

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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