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God Sues Catholic Church for Undercount of Angels (David Sewell)
(topical, chuckle, offense=Nation of Islam members)

[This is original --DS]

VATICAN CITY, October 18 (API) -- Vatican officials confirmed today
that the Roman Catholic Church is the defendant in a civil suit filed
by Almighty God, who claims that a Biblical undercount of the angels
glorifying Him reflects the Church's institutional antisemitism.

"No question, this is a copycat lawsuit derived from recent events
in the United States," said a Vatican spokesman.  "Apparently God
has been listening to the Minister Farrakhan and getting ideas of
his own."

The suit alleges a miscount in Revelations 5:11, where St. John
relates his vision of the Throne of God: "And I beheld, and I heard
the voice of many angels round about the throne . . . and the number
of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of

"It's an insulting figure, barely over 100 million," explained an
attorney from the Roman firm of Squalo and Parassita, who are
representing God.  God contends that the angels St. John saw
covered the entire heavens between the seventh sphere and the 
empyrean, and totalled some 1.2 billion.  "We have photographs
showing ten angels dancing on the head of a pin," said God,
"and St. John is claiming there was space between them?

The lawsuit alleges that St. John deliberately undercounted the
angels out of "gross antisemitism" to belittle the success and influence
of God, who is Jewish, and that the Catholic Church compounded the
misdeed later when it canonized the Book of Revelations.

(In a related development, the Vatican had no comment on unconfirmed
reports that the Pope is planning his own lawsuit against the New
York City Parks Department for underestimating attendance at his
recent Central Park open-air mass as a result of "pervasive
anti-Polish prejudice throughout New York City government.")

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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