[Note - what follows is the last part of the one-liner file. As with all r.h.f. "digests", the jokes contained herein are "sub-standard" jokes (with apologies to the authors) - jokes which are funny, but which don't really warrant posting by themselves. As such, they vary greatly in quality, topic, and offensive nature. If such material does not interest you, feel free to skip it and the parts which follow - ed.] = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (John B Tanner) Subject: masochism It's been too long to remember the source for thisone. Two guys met on the street and one asked "What's a masochist?" The other replied "Beats the shit out of me." = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (SARDog3752) Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364) Subject: Re: Packwood troubles His problems really started when he misunderstood what a political consultant told him about projecting an image as "a more feeling person"...... = = = = = = = From: Mleth@aol.com Subject: Graffito Here is a short "poem" I always liked; author unknown. She offered her honor He honored her offer All night long it was honor and offer = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Scott VanArtsdalen) Organization: Lockheed Missiles and Space Co., Inc. Subject: That explains the guns Heard this from a caller on KSFO a local conservative talk radio station: David Koresh claimed he was Jesus Christ. But a lot of folks were wondering if he was Jesus, why did he have all those guns? Well, after what happened the first time, who could blame him? = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Lyn Tumlin) Subject: Strange medium (true) A friend and I were walking to the beach when we passed a car that obviously belonged to an enthusiastic if not particularly thoughtful Christian. The words "JESUS CHRIST IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE" were blazoned in large letters.... \....across the cardboard sunshade. ("And He'd better stay out of my car!") = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Jon Haugsand) Subject: Eternity What is the definition of an eternity? The time from you have an orgasm and until your taxi arrives. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Paul Cassel) Subject: Clinton Special My local Kentucky Fried Chicken is offering a Hillary Six Piece Special. It consists of two fat legs, two tiny breasts, and two left wings. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Larry Martell) Organization: Investment Management Services, Inc. Subject: Maybe it's because I'm Jewish I tried to connect to the Vatican's web site. It said: "Host is not responding". = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Lucifer) Subject: Dumbest question Although I have heard some dumb questions in my life, I think that the dumbest I have ever heard about is one that was asked in my cousin's high school biology class (he related the question to me): Is infertility hereditary? = = = = = = = From: LLee2BFree@aol.com Subject: This job is a test This was floating around the other night at work. THIS JOB IS A TEST. IT IS ONLY A TEST. IF IT HAD BEEN A REAL JOB, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOLLOWED BY RAISES, BONUSES, AND PROMOTIONS. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (AlbertSq) Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364) Subject: John Mendoza line Comic John Mendoza cited this (on Comedy Central's "Big Deal") as one of the best lines he's written that never gets an audience response. Ya gotta think about it for a mo' -- but it is brilliant. "I was a shepard once ... but I got fired because I always fell asleep during inventory." = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Rickneill) Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364) Subject: Scottish joke Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? 'Cause sheep can hear zippers. (told to me by my cousin) RickNeill@aol.com = = = = = = = From: JayBaum@aol.com Subject: Jerry Garcia- continued (perhaps not) Original- it actually happened this way (at least I'll swear it did): When a co-worker burst into my office to announce Jerry's passing I imediately replied,"I guess Volkswagon is gonna have to shut down it's Microbus plant." = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Susan Hough) Subject: sacrilege! Told to me by my brother: Q. How do you get a nun pregnant A. Dress her as an alter boy = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Siddhartha Sen) One way to know that the Computer has eaten you up: 1 Kilometer = 1024 meters = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Eric Pylko) Subject: More man page humor On our sun4 running SunOS 4.1.3, the man page for spell(1) has the following listed under bugs: BUGS British spelling was done by an American. = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Allen D. Householder) Subject: Waterworld [My 13 year old brother came up with this one (or so he claims)] "With all the money they spent to make Waterworld, couldn't they just have fixed the ozone layer and eliminated the problem?" = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Peter Jernakoff) Subject: Virginia Humour [This message is converted from WPS-PLUS to ASCII] Saw the following roadside sign while coming down from Skyline Drive on Route 211 East: Antique Chairs Made Daily = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Wakko Singer) Organization: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261-4700 guest) Subject: FCK - joke Seen on a bathroom wall: FCK the only thing missing is you. = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Ali Rahimi) Subject: (frame 'license-plate) Seen on a license plate frame in Sunnyvale, CA: "my other car is a cdr" = = = = = = = From: IJP101@psuvm.psu.edu (Ian Podraza) Organization: Penn State University Subject: Let there be Waffles Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. No, three. Wait, no, it's two, I mean three, or two ... Hillary? = = = = = = = From: email@example.com (Keith Freedman (Contractor)) Organization: Hewlett-Packard Co., Loveland, CO Subject: Rule by Intimidation A friend of mine flies airplanes for recreation and mentioned that I wanted a helicopter to beat the speed limits on the local roads. So, I asked him if a helicopter was considered an airplane. He responded, "No, they're different. An airplane glides through the air while a helicopter beats the air into submission." = = = = = = = From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Henry O. Farad) Subject: net.newbies With the net being over run by newbies who have no idea of the basics of nettiquette, I'd say the internet has a bad case of pdomain poisoning.
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
The Internet Jokebook|
Featuring the very best of netfunny.com on dead trees.