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More from the One-liner file (2/3) (Funny Guy)
(smirk to chuckle, swearing, sexual, digest, offense=almost everyone)

[Note - what follows is the last part of the one-liner file.  As with all
	r.h.f. "digests", the jokes contained herein are "sub-standard" jokes
	(with apologies to the authors) - jokes which are funny, but which
	don't really warrant posting by themselves.  As such, they vary
	greatly in quality, topic, and offensive nature.  If such material
	does not interest you, feel free to skip it and the parts which
	follow - ed.]
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From: (John B Tanner)
Subject: masochism 

It's been too long to remember the source for thisone.

Two guys met on the street and one asked "What's a masochist?"
The other replied "Beats the shit out of me."

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From: (SARDog3752)
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
Subject: Re: Packwood troubles

His problems really started when he misunderstood what a political
consultant told him about projecting an image as "a more feeling

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Subject: Graffito

Here is a short "poem" I always liked; author unknown.

She offered her honor
He honored her offer
All night long it was honor and offer

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From: (Scott VanArtsdalen)
Organization: Lockheed Missiles and Space Co., Inc.
Subject: That explains the guns

Heard this from a caller on KSFO a local conservative talk radio station:

David Koresh claimed he was Jesus Christ.  But a lot of folks were
wondering if he was Jesus, why did he have all those guns?  Well, after
what happened the first time, who could blame him?

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From: (Lyn Tumlin)
Subject: Strange medium (true)

A friend and I were walking to the beach when we passed a car
that obviously belonged to an enthusiastic if not particularly
thoughtful Christian.  The words "JESUS CHRIST IS THE LIGHT OF 
MY LIFE" were blazoned in large letters....

\....across the cardboard sunshade.

("And He'd better stay out of my car!")

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From: (Jon Haugsand)
Subject: Eternity

What is the definition of an eternity?

The time from you have an orgasm and until your taxi arrives.

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From: (Paul Cassel)
Subject: Clinton Special

My local Kentucky Fried Chicken is offering a Hillary Six Piece 
Special. It consists of two fat legs, two tiny breasts, and 
two left wings.

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From: (Larry Martell)
Organization: Investment Management Services, Inc.
Subject: Maybe it's because I'm Jewish

I tried to connect to the Vatican's web site.

It said: "Host is not responding".

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From: (Lucifer)
Subject: Dumbest question

Although I have heard some dumb questions in my life, I think that the 
dumbest I have ever heard about is one that was asked in my cousin's high 
school biology class (he related the question to me):

	Is infertility hereditary?

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Subject: This job is a test

This was floating around the other night at work.


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From: (AlbertSq)
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
Subject: John Mendoza line

Comic John Mendoza cited this (on Comedy Central's "Big Deal") as one of
the best lines he's written that never gets an audience response.  Ya
gotta think about it for a mo' -- but it is brilliant.

"I was a shepard once ... but I got fired because I always fell asleep
during inventory."

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From: (Rickneill)
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
Subject: Scottish joke

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

'Cause sheep can hear zippers.

(told to me by my cousin)

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Subject: Jerry Garcia- continued (perhaps not)

Original- it actually happened this way (at least I'll swear it did):

When a co-worker burst into my office to announce Jerry's passing I
imediately replied,"I guess Volkswagon is gonna have to shut down it's
Microbus plant."

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From: (Susan Hough)
Subject: sacrilege!

Told to me by my brother:

Q.  How do you get a nun pregnant

A. Dress her as an alter boy

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From: (Siddhartha Sen)

One way to know that the Computer has eaten you up:

	1 Kilometer = 1024 meters

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From: (Eric Pylko)
Subject: More man page humor

On our sun4 running SunOS 4.1.3, the man page for spell(1) has the
following listed under bugs:

     British spelling was done by an American.

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From: (Allen D. Householder)
Subject: Waterworld

[My 13 year old brother came up with this one (or so he claims)]

"With all the money they spent to make Waterworld, couldn't they just 
have fixed the ozone layer and eliminated the problem?"

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From: (Peter Jernakoff)
Subject: Virginia Humour

[This message is converted from WPS-PLUS to ASCII]

Saw the following roadside sign while coming down from Skyline 
Drive on Route 211 East:

			Antique Chairs 
			Made Daily

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From: (Wakko Singer)
Organization: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261-4700 guest)
Subject: FCK - joke

Seen on a bathroom wall:


the only thing missing is you.

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From: (Ali Rahimi)
Subject: (frame 'license-plate)

 Seen on a license plate frame in Sunnyvale, CA:
        "my other car is a cdr"

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From: (Ian Podraza)
Organization: Penn State University
Subject: Let there be Waffles

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two.  No, three.  Wait, no, it's two, I mean three, or two ... Hillary?
        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Keith Freedman (Contractor))
Organization: Hewlett-Packard Co., Loveland, CO
Subject: Rule by Intimidation

A friend of mine flies airplanes for recreation and mentioned that I wanted
a helicopter to beat the speed limits on the local roads.  So, I asked him
if a helicopter was considered an airplane.

He responded, "No, they're different.  An airplane glides through the air
  while a helicopter beats the air into submission."

        =       =       =       =       =       =       =
From: (Henry O. Farad)
Subject: net.newbies

With the net being over run by newbies who have no idea
of the basics of nettiquette, I'd say the internet has
a bad case of pdomain poisoning.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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