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More from the One-liner file (2/3) (Funny Guy)
(smirk to chuckle, swearing, sexual, digest, offense=almost everyone)

[Note - what follows is one part of the one-liner file.  As with all
	r.h.f. "digests", the jokes contained herein are "sub-standard" jokes
	(with apologies to the authors) - jokes which are funny, but which
	don't really warrant posting by themselves.  As such, they vary
	greatly in quality, topic, and offensive nature.  If such material
	does not interest you, feel free to skip it and the parts which
	follow - ed.]

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From: (Joseph K Mcallister)
Subject: No Contest

Another proof that my life is a SitCom.

My friend and I (both straight males) offer a gay friend
of ours a ride home where his home is about 60 miles away.

We are driving along when suddenly he says, "This is
something I don't get to say very often; I bet I give
the best blowjobs in this car!"

Shocked silence, then I say "Ok, you win."

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From: (Lee Martin)
Subject: What do you get when...

I heard this from my sister who heard it from a friend who heard it from...

What do you get when you cross a mafia boss with a performance artist?

Someone who can make you an offer that you just can't understand.

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From: (Eldon B. Cort)
Organization: Wide Area Networked Environment
Subject: Re: The True News Digest part 2/22

Seen on a truck in Tallahassee was the motto for a plumber.

"The Number 1 man in the Number 2 business."

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From: (HarryHurry)
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
Subject: Dahmer/O'grady

How bout this one...

Did you hear about the time Jeffrey Dahmer was lost in the wilderness for
a week and had to subsist on a diet of -- uncles?

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From: (The Edible Dormouse)
Subject: A man goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor and says to the doctor:
"It hurts when I press here" (pressing his side)
"And when I press here" (pressing the other side)
"And here" (his leg)
"And here, here and here" (his other leg, and both arms)

So the doctor examined him all over and finally discovered what was wrong...
"You've got a broken finger!"

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Subject: This one has been going around

Bumper sticker in Arkansas:

     "If you can read this, you ain't from around here."

(Heard in a bar -- which means it's going around *fast*)

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From: (D. Joseph Creighton)
Subject: American Independence

[ Heard on a local radio station (QX104 FM in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada) ]

Just as we celebrated Canada Day this past July 1st, Americans are now
celebrating their independence from the British today.

Now if only they can work on their independence from the Japanese...

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From: (SistersDTP)
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
Subject: New 12-step Group

Heard from caller on local radio talk show:

"I had a problem with talking too much, so I joined a new 12-step group:

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From: ke6isf@outlander (Dennis Allen Carr)
Organization: Personal machine
Subject: Quote by Susan Vass

This was also spotted in same trivia column by LM Boyd.  (I love this 

Said that wit Susan Vass:
"I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco Sauce."

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From: (Michael L. Ardai)
Subject: speed limits

From the RHF 1-liner file:
186,000 Miles per second.  It's not just a good idea, it's the Law.

Seen at a science fiction convention:
186,000 Miles per second.  It's not the law, it's a challenge!

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From: (DownerMan)
Subject: I'm into...

A charming conversation-starter by a woman named Barbara whom I
met at a concert in Santa Cruz this weekend:

"I'm into domestic violence, but world peace."

(She said her ex-boyfriend really hated that line...)

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From: (John Card II)
Subject: Gun control (both ways)

Unless the little tin-foil cap is not keeping the mind-control rays away,
the following is original:

When the only tool you have is a gun, every problem tends to look like
a liberal.

A coworker heard this, and responded:
When the only tool you have is a gun, every problem tends to look like
the B.A.T.F.

(These are twists on the adage "When the only tool you have is a hammer,
every problem tends to look like a nail.")

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Subject: Mammoth Cave

The ranger giving our tour said that on of the more common 
questions that people ask about the park is:
 "How much of Mammoth Cave is underground?"

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From: (Lightsource Computer Images,PRT)
Subject: Airline humor

The recent note from the SouthWest flight ( reminded
me of a comment by the attendant on a PSA flight to LA:
 "If you would like to smoke, please feel free to step outside."
[Apparently PSA crew were known for humor -- as I recall "catch our smile" was
their motto, and the planes had big smiley faces painted on them. When they
got merged into another airline, the policy was terminated.]
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Subject: Inferiority Complex

Saw this quote on alt.quotations and thought I'd pass it on.  Lost the
attribution, though.

"I have an inferiority complex, but it isn't a very good one."

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From: (Q)
Subject: Interesting Thing to Try

Original, the answer was "invented" (as far as I know) by a good friend
of mine.

Q:  How can you get your boss off of your back?
A:  Put a cork in your ass.

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Subject: Your non-existent sense of humor

Here I humbly submit a joke for your approval:

Why are men like floor tiles?

Because you lay them once and walk all over them for the rest of your life.

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Subject: Inherit the Earth

Another quote for the one liner file.
Unattributed, as well.

"The meek shall inherit the Earth, if that's all right with you."

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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