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(true, various)

This is a digest of funny signs people sent in, approved by Maddi

From: (Kent Nickerson)
Subject: Truth in Advertising (sign joke, true story)
Keywords: smirk, signage, politics

A few years in North Bay, Ontario, two candidates of opposing parties in 
the provincial election erected their billboards in front of a large 
anti-drinking billboard, blocking all but the caption of the large billboard.
The result looked like this:

          |                                             |
          |           Pick Your Poison                  |
          |                                             |
       ----------------------    --------------------   |
      |                      |  |                    |  |
      |  Vote <deleted>      |  |    <deleted>       |  |
      | New Democratic Party |  | Progressive        |  |
      |                      |  |     Conservatives  | -
      |                      |  |                    |
       ----------------------    --------------------
         ||              ||        ||             ||

I have a photo of this.



From: (Karl Loren Houseknecht)
Subject: Nasty Intersection...
Keywords: smirk, signage

While driving through Leesburg, VA, I passed an intersection
where the names of the roads on the left and right of me were:

Dry Hollow Road


Balls Bluff Road

I guess nobody's ever going to get lucky there...


From: (Neal A. Parish)
Subject: Humorous signs
Keywords: smirk, signage

Two of my favorite highway signs are as follows:

_____________________                  ________________________________
|                   |                  |                              |
|  A   S T R E E T  |                  |    <-- B O R I N G           |
|                   |                  |                              | 
|  D O W N T O W N  |                  |  O R E G O N   C I T Y  -->  |
|                   |                  |______________________________|
|            --->   |      

Located on I-880 near the               Located on I-5 just south of
exit to "A" Street and                  Portland Oregon
Downtown Hayward, CA            

Neal A. Parish                || "Always -- wait it was never...  Always take || a litter bag in your car. It doesn't take up
76437,     || much room.  If it gets full, you can just toss
Box 182, Boalt Hall           || it out the window.  -- S. Martin

Organization: Tarleton State Univ, TIAER; Stephenville, TX
From: (Guest ID)
Subject: Yet another amusing road sign
Keywords: smirk, signage

Years ago I used to drive up Rte 22 in New York State to visit 
relatives.  One of the towns I'd go through was Pawling, NY.  There was a 
place there which was founded (I believe) by Bishop Fulton J. Sheen that 
had a prominent sign in view from the highway which read:

                        Foundation For Christian Living

Underneath it, at the entrance (or exit, I suppose) was the following:

                        Do Not Enter

| Geoff Chester    Albert Einstein Planetarium |
|        "If you push something hard enough it will fall over"        |
|                -- Fudd's First Law of Opposition                    |


Organization: Stevens Institute Of Technology
From: (Guess who?)
Subject: YARS (Yet Another Road Sign)
Keywords: smirk, signage

Seen on a road sign around 11th & Willow in Hoboken, NJ:

	Truck Route
	No Trucks


Organization: AT&T
Subject: Re: Last exit 
Keywords: smirk, signage

Another humorous road sign on Rt. 80 in Pennsylvania:

	Mile Run

	2 Miles

From: alattanz@csfb1.UUCP (Anthony Lattanzio)
Subject: Road Signs 
Keywords: smirk, signage

How about the sign on the way north to Boston that says:	


I've always wondered why there isn't a sign on the return trip that says:			



From: ITURRIAG@UTKVX.UTCC.UTK.EDU (Markus A. Iturriaga)
Subject: More roadsigns!
Keywords: smirk, signage

While we're on the subject, this is a real roadsign near Knoxville, 

| Jim Jones Road |
       / \\
      /   \\
     /Dead \\
     \\ End /
      \\   /
       \\ /

My friends and I have been thinking about opening a Cool-Aid stand there!


Organization: Utah State University
Subject: Olympic Children???
Keywords: smirk, signage

I saw this sign while driving through South Jordan, Utah.

    |                       |
    |   Children Walking    |
    |   20 m.p.h. Ahead     |
Maybe it is just me, but that seems pretty fast.



Organization: The Data Dimension - Duluth, GA - 404-495-9479
From: (Chip Gandy)
Subject: speed traps
Keywords: smirk, signage

References: <> 

CK> roads other than the normal I-15 route when they camme across a hand
CK> painted sign at the side of the road that said:
CK> No Cops - Haul Ass

that would seem to me to be a sign that some smart-alec, short on quota would 
have posted to catch some unsuspecting <and it would be me> motorist.

reminds me of a billboard i saw in a road & track a while back.

it was a standard size billboard for an airline or travel agency. can't 
remember which.  anyways, the sign read:

                                   our tickets are
                                   cheaper than
                                   theirs ---

<forgive the poor ascii>

and of course there was a motocycle cop poised under the sign. :)

From: (Stephen Slade)
Subject: all the children are below average
Keywords: smirk, signage

On the topic of funny signs, a little town in north Georgia had a sign
posted on the main road near the grade school:

                              NO PASSING

It must have been very discouraging, that is, assuming the children
could read.

Meanwhile, back in progressive Atlanta, there was the sign in front of
what one presumed to be an auto repair shop:

                 The S and M Clutch and Brake Company

Its clients might get covered by both auto and health insurance.

--Stephen Slade


From: (Dick Williams)
Subject: Should I use my nose or WHAT?
Keywords: smirk, signage

The place: the Hardees restaurant in Smithville, MO.

The setting:  South wall of the Men's restroom. 

The equipment: An electric hand dryer.  Big shiny button and a hot air vent.

The signage:  Decal on the hand dryer says:

		Electrical shock hazard.

Well at least it differs from the graffiti scratched on 80% of the hand
dryers I encounter -- the stuff about Pushing BUTT(on) and Rubbing hands
under (w)ARM (h)AIR.  (This may be a guy thing you ladies don't see very

Submitted in puzzlement by Dick Williams of Kansas City, MO

Know what you call an lawyer/ex Governor turned cephalopod expert?

 	  A    Squid Pro Cuomo   of course.

Yes, I know it was rejected earlier as a contrived pun but it's such a 
good contrived pun that it deserves a second chance.  

It's still mine, still original, hasn't gone over to public domain yet 
although I can't understand why not.

If I can get a close up photo of the Dryer notice above, it'll go to Leno 
so time is important on both these submissions.  Humor is not funny, it's 
a serious business as I learned from the Daemon's auto reply to humor 
submission number 1.  What a dreary response that thing is.  

In that spirit I am, seriously yours,

Dick Williams of KC MO   
And I ain't kiddin'.


Organization: Wilfrid Laurier University
From: (Ken-bear)
Subject: Learning to read
Keywords: chuckle, sexual, awww

When I was four years old, I took every opportunity to hone my limited 
reading skills. No sign escaped my attention. 

One day I found myself in one of those all-night donut shops with Daddy. 
While trying to decide what kind of donut I wanted, I suddenly noticed a 
sign over the cashier's head. 


So I did. I trumpeted out into the suddenly quiet donut shop:


I think they stopped laughing about five years later when I found out 
what the joke was.


From: (Anne Swanberg)
Keywords: smirk, signage, language

My husband and I are both American.  We have several British friends, so 
we are aware that they sometimes use strange words. For example, they say 
lorry when they mean truck. Although Americans are known for being 
uninformed about anything that happens outside the USA, even WE know that 
English soccer fans are notorious for being a little too rowdy (translate 
to violent). 

Despite our enlightened state, it still took us a while to figure out
the following sign that we saw outside a restaurant that was at a 
freeway rest stop in England.

    |    Restaurant ABC     |
    |                       |

- Anne Swanberg


Organization: Michigan State University
From: (Thomas D. Davis)
Subject: Dept of Redundancy Dept (again)
Keywords: smirk, langauge

I'm waiting in line at a local retail store and I notice a warning
label posted on the back of the NCR cash register (which seems a bit
redundant itself):

  Power off before disconnecting connecting connector.

I can only imagine what it would be like to read the User's Guide.
Tom Davis                 | The above statement shall be construed,
Network Software Services | interpreted, and governed by me alone.
Michigan State University | EMail:

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