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The Patty Duke Show
(smirk, television)

     "Here's Kathy, who's been most everywhere, 
      From Zanzibar to Barkley Square..."

      Sounds innocent, huh? Fact is, there is an underlying evil in
"The Patty Duke Show," which, until now, has been kept from the public
by high-placed individuals...(Representatives of the Trilateral Commission
were unavailable for comment)
     Start with the concept of "identical cousins." Was this nothing more
than a subliminal message from an underground cult advocating incest, or
inbreeding? Identical cousins may be commonplace in, say,  Tennessee or
Mississippi, but in Brooklyn Heights? 
     Now, let's move on to the line in the theme song:
     "Patty loves her Rock and roll
      A hot dog makes her lose control..."
     You don't have to be Freud to figure this one out, eh? This was, no
doubt, a ploy by the military-industrial complex to imply that rock and roll
music leads to phallic frenzy...In fact, the original theme song contained the
line "Kielbasa makes her run amok..."
     Didn't you ever wonder why, during the run of he show, not once were we
ever witness to any of these supposed frankfurter-induced rampages? Did Patty
later become a postal worker? These questions were never answered...
     So there you have it...Incest, Inbreeding, Promiscuity, Oscar Mayer fet-
ishes...unfortunately, the investigation by the House Committee on Un-American
Activities (HUAC) had a closed-door hearing, and all records were destroyed...

                         TRUST NO ONE!!!

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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