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Intel Pentium Digest #3 (Maddirator)
(topical, chuckle, computers)

Proving that Usenet geeks still prefer OJ to Intel jokes, note that
we're only up to Pentium Digest #3, but we had SIX OJ Digests,and his
trial hasn't even started yet!

Now if only Bill Gates would try marketing Pentium 94.999997.

Subject: Intel's Night Before Christmas
From: (Nabeel Robert Ibrahim)
Keywords: topical, chuckle, parody, original

Okay, so it's not of the same calibur as "How
the Gingrich Stole Congress"...but what do you
expect?  I did this between studying for finals...
I tried to make fun of everyone equally.

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all over the 'Net,
All the posts about Intel,
Made everyone fret,

The whiners were vocal,
They wouldn't shut up,
Complaining about Intel's,
FDIV cover up,

The engineers were nestled,
All snug in their labs,
Worrying about Intel's,
Mistake in the fabs,

They made up excuses,
On how they're affected,
They called upon Intel,
And were promptly rejected,

And soon IBM jumped,
Right into the fray,
"We'll stop shipping Pentiums,
 As of later today."

But their statement was just,
More political lies,
Because they said the next day,
"We're still shipping those dies!"

But from where came this noise,
And vindictive clatter,
About a minor flaw,
That should not have mattered,

Well there was a math prof,
Doing work in V A,
He came to realize that,
Divs shouldn't happen this way,

So Prof. Nicely described,
The bug that he found,
It wasn't too long later,
That news got around,

Lots of people complained,
Without reason or rhyme,
Just because number five,
Equalled four point nine nine,

The media latched on,
And rumors were spread,
It took no time to proclaim,
That Intel was dead,

As I was reading more news,
A thought came to me,
Intel can't possibly die,
The have a monopoly,

So on Andy, on Craig,
On Gordon and Vin,
Make sure with P6,
This doesn't happen again,

As I logged off, I thought:
"This debate is absurd."
So I soon logged back in,
And uttered these words,

"There are too many issues,
 I refuse to take sides.
 Merry Christmas to all,
 And watch your divides."

 HO, HO, HO!!

*  Nabeel Ibrahim              | *
*  Electrical Engineering      

Subject: 11th Commandment
From: (Crispin Cowan)

Given the quality of the films, it was wisely once said that thou shalt
not make an odd-numbered Star Trek movie.  Considering that the 386 had
a broken multiply instruction, and the 586 (aka Pentium) has a broken
divide instruction, it seems that one should also avoid making
odd-numbered Intel processors.

Crispin Cowan, CS post-doc, Synthetix Project
Oregon Graduate Institute      | Electronically:
Department of Computer Science | analog:  503-690-1265
PO Box 91000                   | digital:
Portland, OR 97291-1000        | URL:

Subject: YAPS (Yet Another Pentium Story)
From: (Paul Frankenstein)

Disclaimer: I am not making this up.

On December 23rd, Intel published a full-page ad in the local paper,
announcing that Intel would exchange old Pentiums with the FDIV error for
new ones.

The announcement said that "Intel will exchange the current version of the
PENIUM processor for an updated version ..."

I wonder if the spell-checker they used was running on a old Pentium or a
new one...

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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