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Good Evening, this are the news (Alex Lopez-Ortiz)
(original, smirk, TV)

Good Evening, this is Heather McLlelan for Channel 6 and these are
the news.  Tonight :

First we will tell you about all the other people just like you who
got shot today.

Also we will tell you how is the weather outside, which is very useful,
specially if you happen to live on a bunker.

Then we'll predict that for the next few hours the weather will
remain pretty much the same.

For tomorrow morning's weather, we'll make the random prediction
of our choice.

And last, we'll predict that the weather "hopefully" will improve for
the weekend, as in: 

  Scientists have now determined that we are in the middle of a 
  new ice age, so the next couple of days will be bitterly cold,
  but hopefully the weather will improve for the weekend.

Then we'll have a discussion panel to analyze the recent increase
in the price of coffee. With us we have:

  B. Smith, Professor of Economics, Expert and Global Trade and
  winner of the Prestigious Milesrock Prize in Economics.

  S. Moraes, CEO of BrazCoffee, the largest producer of coffee 
  in the world.

  Y. Kigimura, Minister of Trade of the Japanese government. 


  S. Kelly, a guy who buys a cup of coffee every morning on his 
  way to work.

In sports, we'll show you all the amazing baskets you missed 
while you were working earning $4.50 an hour, while not forgetting 
to mention the multi-million dollar salaries of each of the
players you will see on screen.

For the last five minutes, for which we could get no noteworthy
news (the peace agreement between Arabs and Israelis was signed
this morning, but if it didn't happen within reach of our newsmobile's 
satellite dish it is not news) we will have a report from the latest 
college dropout to join our broadcasting team, who made an inside
report on the St. Patrick elementary school children aged 5-7 and
the homework they write from day to day.

So don't touch that dial, we'll be right back after the following
twenty messages from our sponsors.

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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