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O.J. Simpson Digest #2 (Maddirator)
(topical, smirk)

Orenthal James Simpson pleaded Not Guilty today to the murders of
Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend the waiter.  Of course, the 
jokes continue in...

Subject: When you have to get away...
From: (Keith Freedman)

In light of the fact that O.J. Simpson (once great american football player-
now accused of a double murder) was trying to escape police in a Ford Bronco
while holding a gun to his own head, a friend suggested a new version of an
old ford slogan:

Scene: media helicopter footage of Ford Bronco being chased by many police.
Announcer: "Ford Bronco--when you just have to get away."

I laughed.  Then I thought, good thing we didn't have to be reminded of
another ford slogan: "Found On Road Dead!"
Subject: OJ's theme song
From: (Doug Taylor)

If they ever do a movie about Simpson's current scandal, I know what the
theme song will be:

    "The Backstabbers"  by  (who else?) the Ojay's.

From: (Perry Friedman)
Keywords: original
Did you hear that they have now determined that the murder weapon was a 
screwdriver?  That's how they knew that OJ was involved. 
Hertz has decided to KEEP OJ as their spokesman.  However, they have decided 
to change the name of the company to "Killz". 

From: (Michael Watnik)

This might be original

After Hertz fired OJ as their spokesman, he made the mistake of heading 
NORTH on I-5.  Had OJ headed SOUTH, Taco Bell was prepared to hire him as 
part of their "make a run for the border" campaign.

Subject: O.J. meets Homer (the new Simpsons)
From: (Paul S R Chisholm)

(Probably incomprehensible to anyone who hasn't seen the relevant
Halloween episode of THE SIMPSONS'.  Starred (*) answer omitted to
respect the part of the Constitution about "Innocent until proven

Homer:  Did you stab your ex-wife to death?

O.J.:  *

Homer:  Did you wreck the car?

O.J.:  No.

Homer:  Well, at least you didn't wreck the car.
Subject: O.J. meets SPEED
From: (Paul S R Chisholm)

(Probably incomprehensible to anyone who hasn't seen the movie SPEED.
The biggest difference between Friday night's chase and the one in the
movie was, the movie had no idea how big the media coverage would

[Note: Plot synopsis of SPEED: extortionist rigs a bomb on a bus that
engages when bus goes over 50 miles per hour, and explodes should bus
then drop below 50]

Dennis Hopper:  Pop quiz, hotshot.  You've got a white Bronco on the
highway, with a famous sports figure and murder suspect.  The car is
riggged to attract every traffic helicopter and minicam crew in
southern California.  If the coverage ratings drop below fifty, CNN
blows up.  What do you do, hotshot, what do you do?

Keanu Reeves:  Shoot the audience.  Take them out of the equation.

(Not to mention our misery. . . .)

From: (Clay R. Zambo)
Subject: Day care?

Heard on an otherwise dull AM radio talk show this morning (no, I was
looking for the news!):

CALLER: I just saw a CNN update on the O. J. Simpson case.  Michael
Jackson has volunteered to take care of the kids.

Subject: OJ Simpson made-for-TV movie
From: (Chuck Narad -- diver/adventurer/engineer)
Keywords: chuckle

As the OJ Simpson drama unfolded last friday some fairly
strange visions passed through my mind.

Vision #1:  In less than 8 weeks we will see the first
made-for-TV movie about this.  Since the trial will not
have finished yet, it will star OJ Simpson as himself.

Vision #2:  A new Hertz commercial, with OJ sprinting to
catch a plane to chicago, followed by two track stars
dressed as police officers.

Vision #3:  OJ Simpson, the Matt Groenig.  The
opening scene has blue sky with clouds parting.  A chorus sings
"O...J...Simpson" to the Simpsons theme song.  next shot:
O.J. "Bart" Simpson writing "Lieutenant Frank Dremmond will
get me off" over and over on the chalkboard.  The opening
sequence ends with the family rushing into the Simpson living
room, hurdling the couch, and running through a Hertz office.
(The original opening with O.J. chasing Marge Simpson with
a knife was dropped by the Fox network censors, who found it
too tasteful).

Next scene: a white ford bronco cruising down the highway with
50 police cars in pursuit, and 10 news helicopters chasing from
above.  The police cars are jokeying for position; the ones in
the lead have a small shoot-out to establish who gets to lead.

Cut to...The Newscaster, mumbling about aliens and asking "The
Professor" about the impact this event will have on the next
"Police Squad" movie.

Cut to...the bronco is now parked in front of the house, which
is surrounded by dozens of police cars with flashing lights and
crumpled fenders.  Zoom way back, so we can see the cloud of
helicopters trying to get a good angle under the direction of
CNN.  A cameraman stretches too far and plummets screaming into
the hedge.  The bronco door opens, and the channel 5 'copter and
channel 27 'copter both lunge for a good angle; they collide in
mid air and the wreckage lands on the Bronco.  The whole pile
of rubble explodes, including the Bronco.

Throw in a few Itchy & Scratchy episodes and we could have a hit...

(From the "Rest" of RHF)

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